Of Dreams And Life - Friday Musings

                                               Dreams form an inevitable part of a human's life. They inspire us, prompt us and ignite us with the much needed impetus to move forward surviving all odds to finally make the desire a reality. We don't always end up with what we dream, but at other times we do. We aren't offered opportunities in a platter most of the times, but at other times, we stumble upon opportunities while carousing our way through the life pathway. Life is such - weird, instinctive and purposeful - all rolled into one. 

So coming to the purpose of this post, a lot has been happening in my life lately. Being someone who loves reading blog posts with thoughts detailed in an alluring manner, my heart nudges me to do the same, as I outline the incidents one by one.

Of Rain And Life

“I hate rain!”. I stated quite blatantly as the steady downpour dampened my voice. The person on the other end of the phone exclaimed in disbelief. Quite obviously so. For I myself is yet to see atleast one person in a group of five who doesn’t hold the mystifying physiology of earth, that is rain, close to his or her heart. He went onto dissect in fervor the many pros of rain and how it pacified him, refreshing his body and soul, while i blabbered on the many cons like how a rainy day created a havoc in my life, especially when it announced its entry early in the mornings while i am all dressed up neatly for a fresh beginning. 

Wiping Away The Dust

One whole year. Unbelievably so ! A year passed by sans a single post on my blog. A year passed by with no creativity firing up my grey cells. A year passed by engulfed in the smoky mist of white coats. A year passed by trying to decipher the course of nerves, the worth of ganglia and the mechanisms that keep humans breathe with peace. A year since i embarked on my post graduation course in ENT surgery - A lot to say, a lot to share.

I wouldnt be here yet if not for two incidents that occured a period spanning the last two months. 

*  My school reunion that happened last week
*  For that wonderful, smoldering mail from The Tamarind Rice team ,letting this proud spirit know about their decision to showcase her article At The Bookshop at their literary meet ' Literary Lapses'

School reunions always arrive carrying a mixed bag of emotions . Nostalgia mounting beyond seams can be overwhelming at times and at other times they can leave you all brooding when reminded about the good things that withered away over the time. And this time, it came as a common query - ' Why dont you write these days, Maliny?' 

Oh, i missed writing ! I did. But these were months when the thought of sitting lost in a fluffy cushion typing away word after word, spewing posts felt like a luxury. 

And i am not yet sure how long away is my next post. Nevertheless, i badly need to satisfy my itch to write something this very moment and that too,with all my heart. Now that i have done it there are few words to describe exactly what i feel right now. Enlightened, maybe?

There are times when you need to sail with the wind. So that you derive as much power as you can to sail against it when your mind years for it the most. There are low times. There are duties to be performed. There are goals to be achieved. There is a time to toil. There is a time to let free. There is a time to celebrate.

Life runs a course. This moment,i realise that sometimes,it is fine to abide by the rules of fate. Sometimes it is alright to float and not to fly. But never let the spark die out. Let it burn within in the lightest of the shades. You never know. The very next minute might very well be the that perfect polishing moment you had waited for all along. 

Unfinished Tale - Short Fiction

Image Source: here 

I sat huddling on my chair, slowly sifting through the delicate white leaves of Ruchita's diary, the only faint sound echoing through the room being the alerting beep of the monitors perched on bedside tables. The elegant cursive letters, with a characteristic oval notation instead of the dots for the i’s, written in jet black ink, allured me more into the mystic tale each passing second. Ruchita was a writer and the prowess of her talent was evident from the tangled manner in which she moulded her sentences, even though the lines spoke of her life story and not of a tale churned out by her creative mind.

For the past one hour I had been drifting on a completely different world, traversing through the intriguing life events of Ruchita and Abhay, narrated through Ruchita’s beautiful words on her diary. She was amusingly garrulous at times and at other times, embarrassingly romantic. Ruchita and Abhay had been married for two months now. However, the journey that concluded on an exhilarating note in them getting married, hadn’t been a smooth joy ride all through. Tumultuous it was when Abhay refused to marry her on grounds of his parent’s disapproval; harrowing it was when Ruchita spent days encaged in her room cursing her unhappy life in between suppressed sobs and liberating wails; miracle it was when Abhay finally returned back to his only love defying his parent’s obstinate demands, to seek refuge in a completely alien city where he and Ruchita could carve a niche out for themselves, without being deterred by both their families.

The final account on the diary, the one that was written by an exuberant Ruchita madly in love with her husband Abhay, ended on 20th November, 2010. Today was the 30th of November, same year and the time was 8p.m.

At the far end of the brightly lit room, i could see the duty nurse, hustling through her duty report which was to be handed over to the person handling the night shift, with the fervour of a school kid ready to prance out at the first toll of the school bell.

Placing the light brown shaded diary softly on the side table, I grabbed the B.P measuring apparatus from its usual position near the head end of the patient. My movement, though mild it was, might have irked her, for Ruchita peeked at me through the narrow slits of her eyes. A smile broke out on her weary face on seeing me, but her eyes eluded me for i could hardly make out her gaze through the multiple cotton bandages fastened around her head and face, drenched in a repulsive shade of pale red. Even as the numbing cold waves from the air conditioner lashed at me, not sparing my overcoat clad body or my glove adorned hands, i could see tiny pearl sweat beads glistening on her bruised forehead.

Her speech which was almost lost the day she and Abhay were rushed to the casualty from the site of their accident on the wee hours of the morning nine days back, was gradually recovering, though she preferred to remain silent most of the times, lest it should cause her to wince out in pain on each movement of her lips.

“ Did you read it?” Ruchita asked me with much difficulty, her speech slurring, while I wrapped the cuff onto her arm.

I replied in affirmative as she continued in broken sentences.

“I never thought that his parents would make it here despite their enmity. How is Abhay today, doctor?"

"He is keeping alive, Ruchita. His parents are with him. And your mother will be here tomorrow morning too. Now i need you to get back to your sleep. You shouldn't be stressing yourself much ", saying that i gestured the duty nurse to administer her the night dose of sedative. She curved her quivering lips while the medicine seeped into her slowly. Before long, surrendering to the drug, Ruchita was sliding back once again to her relaxed sleep, her chest heaving up and down heavily as she sucked in life air with utmost direness.

An uncomfortable dark cloud started looming in the back of my mind, as I watched her serene face glowing in the ever luminescent I.C.U room. I saw her smiling in her sleep, a smile that only a woman in love would be blessed with, even amidst the most trying of circumstances.

No tear clustered in my eyes looking at her heavily tattered body. My eyes had been trained to remain alert, sharp and dry twenty four hours a day, while I was on duty. But i could sense my heart weeping silently for the shriveled fate of this dainty young girl. A part of my disheveled mind cursed fate, not for her debacle, but for the strong effervescing emotions that she nurtured towards Abhay even while she was clutching onto medicines, barely conscious, for her revival.

An inexplicable overplay of peace danced on her face, on the sight of which I felt my conscience weighing down heavily, as the thought of the blatant lie that i had helplessly uttered a few minutes back as the answer to her concerned query gnawed at me, leaving behind a searing pain.

"He is keeping alive, Ruchita".

                                                           **

So Far So Good

Image Source : here

It has been long since i confided anything personal here. The last time i did was long back, here on this page. If the nerve wrecking, gut crunching P.G entrance preparations was the excuse for the redundancy in 2012, then its the absolute state of nirvana that i drift through post the biggest hurdle in a doctor's life, ( read post graduate entrance exam ) sans any dire commitments, is the excuse in 2013. 

There hasn't been much happening around here lately. As the last one year was extremely demanding, blame the coaching classes and the single minded diligent regurgitation of 6 years medical course material from the convoluted sulci and gyri of my brain, i thought of taking some time off, baring my mind from the medical shroud for a matter of few months, so that when the results would bë out by January end i would be all revived to either take up a pg course of my desired surgical speciality or to hit my objective books for the next round if didn't make it. As they say, life is no skiing game nor is it predictable in any amount. The result never came. Locked in a legal quagmire, supposedly, the results will be out only after the mockery in the name of court proceedings are over.

Not anticipating fate's foul play, the passionate me had conjured up a plan to make the best use of this small vacation of sorts. I had made a mental note of the things i would be doing after the examination with the same fervour with which i juggled medicine, surgery, gynaec and pediatrics objective revision papers. And the plan was to :

1. Read as many books as would satiate my mind cleansing it off the exam fever

2. Write to my heart's content.

3. Refresh my driving lessons ( the last time i had my rendezvous with the steering wheel being 8 years back during my driving test ).

4. Watch movies back to back.

5. Have a decent hair cut ( my locks are now twice the length of what is visible on my profile pic ) and

6. Visit my grandmother back at our native place from time to time.

 Except the haircut, all other wishes yielded fruits. My hair, to my awe, is untiringly continuing its growth sans a Tresemme or a Sun Silk therapy , that i cant make up my mind to crop it short even by one inch ( Aah, girls !). The wait is on now for the split ends to take charge so that i could head for the salon in the pretense of saving my locks rather than for that long over due make over ( Heard fringes are in ? )

Finishing a medical course, or any course for that matter is not so much of a pleasant feeling, especially for a girl. The M word relentlessly pops up in every other group discussion. The M word has been playing around in the air for a few years now. Belonging to the minority section of arranged marriage loathers, i declared long back that i would remain optionally single till the right guy arrives, something which has been mocked at and frowned upon by my parents. 

While my amma had her first encounter with the contraption called laptop when she had to enroll me on the online eligible brides list , my father had his first encounter with humility when i turned down the first guy who came to see me, toted with endless degrees to heighten his charm ( Kukki turning down Hrithik in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara? Na, he was no Hrithik, though that had little to do with the decision ). And eventually, the obstinate me emerged successful and unscathed. I am granted permission to slog around in solitude until a divine intervention occurs, though i don't trust my parents much in that regard. I suspect callosity in that promise. After all isn't M the sole purpose of life? Sigh!  

Considering that my over ambitious crush list ranged from SRK post DDLJ (blame his dimples) to Keanu Reeves post Matrix to DADA post the 183 runs milestone / that mesmerising catch to dismiss Saeed Anwar at 194 to Chester Bennington post the Hybrid Theory, to Ryan Reynolds post The Proposal and nobody in particular lately, i don't have much hopes for me actually. Maybe one day, after a couple of years of wait, i would succumb to my parent's advice, admitting the impracticability of my wistfulness , to be greeted by that epic ' Told you so look ' from all quarters.

Jokes apart, life is going slow, albeit steady now. The pleasures of a vacation are many. My parents are back to pampering me as to a two year old now. During my years of college they used to treat me with utmost gravity, as i used to return home every month from hostel with used masks and head caps stuffed in my baggage, which my parents used to awe at unblinkingly ( we used to tie those used ones around the tap in our hostel because those acted as the perfect filter for the tiny worms that were inevitable parts of the tap water - fighting germs the medicos way ! ). Everything is back to square one these days. Amma wakes me up with a cup of tea and i sit dabbling in whatever thoughts that shoot through my mind all day. Peace.

Or maybe i should right away join the nearest hospital available. The good thing about this profession is that any hospital would appoint us as casualty medical officer if we approach them with our registration certificate. We are offered to take part time emergency duties too where they pay us for every hour we tend to the patients. What keeps me back for the time being is the fact that i felt like i needed a break. As history has it, ' the break ' has surpassed boundaries and now i have started feeling all irky. I really really hope for the results to be out soon. I love my profession and i seriously miss the hospital corridors , the many procedures and the casualty duties. Moreover, the exaggerated amount of idleness has started seeping into my joints and i am utterly lazy even to walk around inside my home these days. Grave!  

                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~