THE INEVITABLE..

  

Some two months back, i happened to receive a nugget from one of my batchmates ! Which was in all ways a surprise for me because he rarely talked to me and i never before took him for the philosophical type. It happened just few minutes to our class which was supposed to be taken care of by a notorious doctor in that department. [ Though he was proved delicate at one hilarious moment ;) ].

 The seats in the front row were as usual left vacant by the boys for the privileged fairer lot . So as not to think back ruefully for having sacrifised my dignity voluntarily, for the Sir is sure to get you nailed , i concluded it would be wise to grab the one seat vacant and welcoming in the back row.
Seeing this rather unexpected move from my part, that guy remarked wryly, 

" Its useless trying to stop the inevitable ".

 I kinda let that pass with an air of disdain granting him a grateful smile for the timely advice and made myself comfortable in the back row. After all its human nature right to try and prevent the disaster if its sort of looming large and impending infront of you ! However optimistic you happen to be. You try whatever you can to hold strong and fast to that last piece of straw !

 Making matters complicated dwelling deeper into it is one thing and contemplating matters so as to make some sense out of it is entirely another. Nothing seemed essential here. I didnt have to think long and hard to arrive at the conclusion that each and every step in the course of life is inevitable ! They neednt be the important celebrated milestones in our life, nor do they need be the unexpected twists and turns that we meet with. Every single stone that paves the path called life is meant to be crossed.

 Does everyone of those have implications ? Neednt be.

 Does each of them have reasons and repercussions ? Neednt be.

 We never know what is gonna happen the next second. Do we ??

 Life has been so formatted that we carry out our thought processes relentlessly,which work behind the scenes of the daily happenings. The things that donot form part of our purview seem to happen out of the blue or they happen because of the spur of the moment decisions.
 Thanks to certain intricate words in our dictionary like 'Intuitions ' and ' premonitions ' !. 

I would like to categorise these as the seeds of the quite compelling fruit named 'The Inevitable ' !.

Even if we happen to be granted , rather to our shock , days which are lackadaisical even when exams are honking strong and urgent around the corner, and it so happens that the exam ends up to be surprisingly manageable,  then we call it the INEVITABLE -  with all gratitudes to the charming word called GOOD LUCK !

 And if it happens the way we fear strongly and in a way we expect to turn up, even then we call it the INEVITABLE  - courtesy the word called IMPRUDENCE !

 ( a disastrous exam sure is the consequence of your lack of concern for the result of your action which happens to be laziness right ! ).

Why dont you go ahead and ask me that if thats the condition, then why cant we just sit back and relax ?? The inevitable is gonna find you anyway right ?! . Well, you sure have the answer in that question itself. Sit back and relax. Needless to say the inevitable sure is gonna reach you ! And no prizes for guessing what that inevitable would be ! :p

It seems wiser to give life a shot with a positive attitude anyway. Because the stories of the hardworking prove that they some how or the other are blessed with inevitables which are far more colourful and innocuous than people who drag their days whining and cursing.

And so also lets prepare for the Inevitable...

Lets accept  the Inevitable... 

Lets get past the Inevitable smiling or crying..

It doesnt matter anyway..

 After all the inevitable is something that is supposed to happen right !!

SOARING FEARLESS !

I cant help but wonder ! Its a serious observation rather, a revelation that i come up with the most diverse of thoughts while i am trying hard to focus my eyes and mind on my text book :-0.




No, its not daydreaming ; its not even the usual ones that run through my mind when i am bored. These are damn serious ones and i am perplexed why such thoughts make their way to my mind at the wrong hour and that too in torrents ! I guess its pardonable for they are apparently healthy ones. But they definitely are in need of a let out, lest i should keep cramming my brain about the same. And thats not the least welcome, as my textbook is desperately in need of some attention with the exams peeping around the corner. Yea they are just peeping for me ;) for i need to seriously widen my peripheral vision to realise that they are actually looming large and scary ; to which, for the sake of my peace of mind , i am not quite yielding at the moment.


Enough of the prelude right. Lets get it done fast .






Frankly, there isnt the matter for a deep scanning. Yet lemme put down some thing which striked me inspiring at the first glance.


Its the punch line of the movie MY NAME IS KHAN which goes as


" We are stronger than our fears ;


We are greater than our limits ! "


Now, i dont think such a gripping theme has ever been utilised in Bollywood films, as long as my memory serves. ( such opinions and judgements are subjective, i know. And this is mine. Agreeing with me would make me happy and feeling free to leave here as comment if you found a more inspiring one would make me happier :) ].


Leave out Holly wood movies. They are far from the Indian scenario. According to me the English movies deal the subject in a deeper manner and the idea they try to convey happens to hit you right on the nail. Sadly, i have come across many who claim that its just a matter of your mindset and that Indians are hopelessly prejudiced when it comes to judging or evaluating the quality of the west - be it whatever they offer - movies,gadgets, books, education. That we have a tendency to grade whatever they offer the best. I'm not quite an expert in picking out the differences between the East and West nor can i certify which is the best for what. That forms the topic for another debate. So lets forget it.


Coming back, May be its because in India , rarely do we find a movie made which truly touches our heart, mind and soul . Once in a while a film like Rang de Basanti make their way to our minds to linger for long.






As of now, the concept highlighted in MNIK is the top on my list so far. Especially because, its something i had always believed in. And there have been instances in my life which proves the same. Courage is not just the display of strength of mind when you are met with a disaster. It also implies the ability to follow your dreams, standing rooted in your beliefs, chasing your desires, however unapproachable they seem to be, standing up for yourself.


Its simply about being strong enough to BE YOU in every phase of life.

Once my mom told me her idea regarding the word LIMITS. In her opinion, if one person in this world is capable of doing a particular thing, then the rest of the humans are no way inferior to him in being able to do the same. I dont know whether its absolutely right. I mean, i have heard one need to be genetically blessed to accomplish certain things, for eg; singing like Lata mangeshkar or acting like De niro or dancing like Micheal jackson !


Or is it that if you put your 100 percent, dedicating your mind and soul with a purpose and undying spirit to achieve something, you definitely are going to be successful ? Its also probable right ?


What differentiates people is the aptitude, attitude and the will to go beyond what you think is 'your limit' . Its only by expanding your comfort zone do one come eye to eye with the hidden strength and capabilities.


As one great man said,


" The door which you fear to approach might be the one holding the best of the opportunities !! "






And thats in short the synopsis of my brain storm ;)


Lets hope this fresh year, we are capable of






" SOARING BEYOND OUR LIMITS


and


RISING STRONGER THAN OUR FEARS !! ".






Have a successful and fearless 2010 ! :)

WONDER ON THE MOVE !

  

    TRIVANDRUM CENTRAL - aah ! The mere glimpse of which is sufficient to set off a gush of emotions. My dad was speeding past this ' quite formidable signature ' [ nonethe less :) ]  of Trivandrum yesterday when i made a mental note of it to put down a few things about what this beautiful building means to me and the myriad of experiences it offers , all in one huge exciting structure on the move which it harbours  :). This building has ever been the same for me - smart and imposing ! Quite true. 

And you know what, i had this revelation when i sat down to write that i have some feelings for my city running pretty deep and strong in my veins ! And i can say without even a tad of doubt that its kinda ubiquitous around here ! Step right on the city and share a word or few with the fellows. Mark my words - the youth and the aged alike would display quite a spirit for this place they proudly inhabit.

Ok, lets leave it. This isnt about Trivandrum afterall. On the other hand, this space is gonna bubble with the undoubtedly familiar sounds of trains and chaiwallas ;). Come  Join me :)

 To start with, i need to go back a long in time. My native place is Trivandrum , but we were kinda stuck in palakkad ( yet another heavenly place i should say! ) for about 3 - 4 years . Thanks to my parents job. And lemme say those were the ' fresh to this world ' years of my life ;). Yea, the toddler me got introduced to the zeal of adventure through the happening train journeys from Trivandrum to Palakkad and back. Seriously you dont expect me to think long and hard and to explain here what those journeys meant to me then right :-p lolz :). But its true when i say flashes of memories do lie scattered.

 My mom even now shows no lack of interest in lamenting about the tiny me who ( supposedly :D ) used to give her a helluva time during those train journeys. Even now, when we come across a couple struggling to pacify their kid, we share a glance and try hard to suppress a smile ;)
 But then thats what kids are all about right ! Giving a hard time to your parents so that they would never ever dare to forget the naughty bratty baby you :p.

 The next few years saw me frequenting the station less , with the visits limiting to the occasional ones to drop off my mom for her yearly workshops. I shouldnt leave out it that the concept of a railway station started changing colours in my mind. When i grew up, i started noticing a good many facts about this quite ' other world ' . Infact i was in awe for the fact that i came to know that the stations were studded with book shops right on the platform. How i used to nag my dad showing him sad faces and pleading him to buy me one of those beautiful hard covered books adorning the shops ! I was too small then, but i should say you start showing signs of ur interests right from the bud . And neeless to say i still get a rush when i spot a book shop on any station .

And so also that goes on top of the list of the ' platform wonders ' ;) 

 The next major encounter with trains came with our visits to temples outside kerala. And those were the sunny days - everything going perfect and smooth, a whole two months of holidays stretching long and lovely before you, with your share of new clothes to be inaugurated at the temple and the cherry topping being the hours spent packing with our minds already halfway on the train :-) .
 Yea, those delectable journeys were preceeded by hours of immense joy and ' embarking on an adventure ' kinda feeling attached to it.

 The reasons which goes up on the list of my all time favourites when it comes to train journeys  : -

# The book stalls

# The fights with my brother to acquire the rather royal , so to say, seat by the window ;). Strange, i do that even now with my friends . I mean its a total waste of time if u are stuck at the dull space at the other end ! I used to sit with my eyes shut, throwing an attitude at my parents if i wasnt awarded the side seat. The privileges of being a girl are on a high in my family. Lolz.
 And needless to say i am the proud owner of my desires :p

# The meal which my mom tediously prepare to have in the train at night. The rare few time we get to savour the exquisite taste of the plantain leaf- meal blend ! Ummm , no butter chicken can match that !

# The frequenting of vendors in and out of the compartments carrying with them a variety of interesting stuffs ; coffee, magazines , newspapers. Even to this day i prefer coffee to tea only when i am in a train. Sort of emotional attachment ?? Guess so ! ;)

 It wouldnt be nice right if i leave out the dark images threaded to the same. The night marish days of my life - those 11 months when i was chained to a building looming high and proud in the heart of Thrissur town ! Oh yea, the P.c Thomas era ! The horrendous night journeys to the hostel there . Those sleepless nights with my mind overflowing with apprehension ! [ for those who have the least idea about this institution lemme tell you this is an entrance coaching centre infact the most flourishing centre in kerala and its kinda folklore here that your fate gets safe and secure
once you sign the application form to this place !! no kidding ! i should give all the credit to this place for making me an MBBS student ! 

But i think  we should delve less on that ! its kinda creepy..phew !

 These days also the spirit that comes with this remains the same, with the excitement not the least down. I am all smiles when i get to hear the happy news that there is a train running to Trivandrum just in time for us after the classes. And the adventures are never on a low !

 Last week, we were returning home by train, my friends and me. Any my hunger pangs started troubling me while the train neared Kollam station. And to our dismay the shops close to our compartment were shut down. And so i dragged my friend along with me to a shop some four compartments away with the never say die belief that there would be a 10 mt halt there, the least. It so turned out that there was already some kinda pandemonium outside the shop and we somehow made it to the counter wending our way through the crowd. Alas ! 
It was already late ! Not a guess right what could possibly go wrong ! The train started moving showing no mercy on us and we had to rush to it and climb on the stupid stairs with much struggle with it starting to gain speed ! Mind you, its not that light as you guess. Phew !
That was one experience !
While we were gasping for breath once back in our seats, i couldnt help laughing out. Damn ! Twas so like a Jab we met scenario !!
 
Even though my friend didnt quite agree with that because it nearly knocked the hell outta her ;).

 Such experiences come once in a lifetime right ! But there sure are other experiences quite insatiable that make the train journeys worth enjoying. The beautiful scenaries, the greenery, that one rarely get to view in cities which are untiringly getting stuffed with 'monuments' on the rise, the sunset and sunrise which seem pretty enchanting, the huge mountains covered in a blanket of clouds, the deep blue waterbodies flanking the railway track at places. The list stretches...

If you conclude this is all there is to trains, then you are mistaken. :) . The next time you get on a train dont forget to be on the look out for an adventure, for the visual treats you are sure to be granted with.

 Imbibe those and i bet you will be blessed with a bliss of no match :) :)

5 THOUGHTS WHICH MADE MY DAY !

1. If its so engraved in your head that you arent worthy of happiness, then alas !, even the universe conspires to create a ' comfortable ' blanket of Hell around you . Its understood that it takes lot of nerves to smile through your shackles. Infact its a must that you should be affected by the challenges. But dont be lavish in setting up an upperlimit to your whining period ! It takes a good many thoughts working to end up in a decision. So better make it something worthy . The choice is whether to give up or whether to keep walking through hell fighting the demons till you are rewarded with a blink of the bridge to heaven .


- Better believe in yourself ! Otherwise even God gets depressed watching your lacklustre story that he, further decides to oust all his negative energy onto you :D . Why wasting those on beautiful minds quite jaunty and ingenious, that they rarely let you down with their biopic right !




2. Try putting on a courageous, never - say - die gesture on your face. I bet you will be confused whether you are hogging the lime light ! Atleast for a brief moment . Courage isnt something thats reserved for a privileged lot. Its within each of us. The onus is left to you whether to yank it out of the attic and  refurbish your mind with the most indelible entity of success - courage to accept your down fall and to rise all upbeat. :)

- Thinking of adorning a vapid expression on your face so as to give meaning to your absolutely vapid mind ? Be satisfied being a pawn all your life !




3. Some people are so adamant, oh ! Thats too humble a word, lets make it obstinate, that they arent generous enough to 'not' make the world hell for you . Instead they put up an attitude and scoff at you . I'm not trying to garnish my thoughts with the big attitude thing when i say You alone is Responsible for your life. Its the ultimate truth !


Moral - Mind your own business. The world itself is running short of feelings, let alone compassion !




4. True, dreaming is the first step towards building your future. But be awake enough lest you should make it your last step as well ! No one is going to shower you with accolades just because you showed the guts to dream . Be ready to take the essential steps to making those a reality. Atleast the efforts are worthy of self satisfaction. And dont turn a fool outta yourself by remaining stagnant . Letting your mind flow with the dream is the lynchpin of closing down the distance between a dream and reality .




5. Have a zillion ideas running through your head ? USE THEM !!


Have a soul bubbling with talents ? USE THEM !!




- Be pragmatic enough to put them to use. And not dorky enough to save them fresh and raw so that you could take them to dust . Do justice to yourself. Be the best of what you are. Chances are rare that anyone can beat you in that ;)


Hesitant ? Lazy ? Pessimist ? Sinking in that ' same old villain ' , inferiority complex ?

Grow up ! Not many are genetically privileged ! Dont you see that you are ahead of others already ? Why leaving the stage halfway when a single more dialogue would have made you the cynosure of eyes , with the world applauding you on a standing ovation !
( Well, that was a metaphor ok :p )


Rejoice in your victories. That gives you the impetus to push harder the next time. And evaluate your failures. That should make you stronger and a better sailor of your life because you already know one way not to sail ! :)

YES ! ITS A SUNDAY ! :)

The first day of the week and undoubtedly the most sought after one because of the very fact that it comes with the tempting label with it – ‘ YOU CAN TRUST ME ; I AM GONNA BE A HOLIDAY WHATEVER HAPPENS ! ‘.

Well that should make it the most pampered one too right ;) . For some, its that FUNDAY when they get to unleash all the stress they had managed to stuff inside their mind over the week , and with no space for any doubt ,even the soul would only be relieved and for good ! Whereas for certain others who are fortunate to have had an entertaining week, this day happens in every means to be the best bet because it promises ample time to calm you down. Relaaxx. . You will need it especially after the Saturday ‘ after work ‘ celebrations .
[ hey its not just the party maniacs ok . people like me who happen to be stuck in some sorta desert also readily engage in the 'Saturday-means' tomorrow Sunday frenzy ! ] And for still other lot ( a minor lot I feel ) it symbolizes that sad day before Monday. Guess this single day holds a range of meanings varied for different people !

By the way I had thought of sharing some tit bits attached to the word Sunday in my mind. Pardon me if quite incongruent facts creep in between the same. Restraining the flow of my thoughts seem to be a pretty tough job in itself ! In my opinion, its always better when you sit down to write, to pass the reins to your mind rather than trying to command them to pour out thoughts the way you desire. And for that fact I am now all game for wielding my pen to bridge the short distance between my mind and this space . about the day called SUNDAY !


For me, SUNDAY has always been a pleasant day. The one leisurely day of the week when I am left to myself in my world, waking up finding my brain in all smiles for the simple fact that its relieved of all those burdens of a hectic school day ahead. Even though the meaning of this day has changed shades over the years and my life’s course saw both expected changes and vagaries, this day is always that peaceful holiday for me.

Let me start it with an account of a peppy conversation I had with my friend during my gynaec posting. It started off over our breakfast and with us two coming together , the topics are always galore.That comes without saying because I feel when you share a conversation with some one whose opinions, likes and dislikes strike a frequency almost same as yours , there is rarely a bleak moment .
What ignited the chat is her quite casual remark ‘ oh life is boring these days ‘. And leaving no space for a pause I blurted out ‘ same with me ! ‘. Well if you intend to reason the veracity of the statement , you are gonna find out that the days aren’t that dull after all !. The implicit meaning of the statement is that the days are almost the same now a days ; the same boring schedule of monotonous classes, the compulsory few ( or more :d ) hours of sleep after food and the right on the strike of the time eating habits ! There sure is less excitement !. But its also true when I say my friends never let me down when it comes to fun , esp if they happen to be an unpredictable bratty lot !. Just that the days seem kinda lackluster ones, they are bereft of the vibrancy I used to experience during my pre college days. .
May be I should blame me itself for that. For not being among the creamy layer as they very proudly name them, which would have put me into the Trivandrum medicos bunch rather the tdmc family !. And those days I was under the guidance of my parents, ever lenient and easy when it comes to attempts of coaxing :p, and not governed by a list of ‘ never gonna budge ‘ ( so they say ! ) rules of the hostel ! . How I wish I could come back home to the welcoming faces of my parents every evenin :(


See I told no I would divert !. ;).

So Sunday… yes Sundays were full on fun days. I was never a lazy bone those days especially on Sundays. On the contrary I was in all way upbeat and kicking :D. I should say that’s because of a particular theory I had going through my mind those days ; like Sunday is with no doubt a precious day. And so also why would I waste any minute of the day ?! and its only gonna get even more foolish right if I lazied under my blanket when there were lots of exciting things waiting for me. Thus goes my concept about Sunday .
I would be up and on the run by about 7.30. One cute little detail about our Sundays was that ( I bet you will be laughing it out when you hear it :P ) it was the only day of the week when we got lucky to have chappathi for breakfast :P. I mean according to my mom its one heck of a job struggling with the flour that she refuse to cook the same during the week days . ( yea the woes of a working mom ;) ).
So that’s one extrememly rewarding thing to look forward to as far as my taste buds are concerned :P :)


And as the day moves forward , the fun is on the roll starting with early morning RANGOLI and MAHABHARATHA. For those of you who must be remembering those days DOORDARSHAN used to be the only means to satisfy the satiety of our minds yearning for some form of entertainment which could be savoured simply by relaxing on our couch ! And needless to say anything they telecast was kinda visual treats for us ! And as a relief to us kids there were these cartoons like DENVER, JUNGLE BOOK, ALICE IN WONDERLAND and a few more which became instant hits with us..Its beautiful to hark back the way these used to adorn our Sundays .  

We were never restrained from taking a walk to our neighbours house, eating something or the other from the kitchen, sharing a word or two with the uncle and aunty there, and the visits which usually came to an end by us dragging the kids there out of their homes to the street outside to play hide and seek or chess or scrabble ,embarking on our assets - 'our cycles' and going for a ride on our streets or even a crazy video game with much brouhaha over it that our parents used to lament about the naughty us when they meet up for their usual exchange of news, complaints about us and at work matters :p.
My mom used to make it clear, who was at the helm even on a Sunday by her occasional reminders to complete the home work or to run errands for her. Ofcourse its to be added that she did those expecting nil response from me in return as most of the times I used to snooze those commands without a tad of regret only to hear her making a fuss of it by finishing her sentence with the typical remark about me ‘ she should have been born as a boy ! ‘.
( I guess this is a ‘given- praise’ heard loud in families blessed with a naughty girl child ! ) 


And one thing which darken Sundays Is the pang of laziness and gloominess that used to bog me down when it nears dark . AAH ! the famous Monday blues ! . How I used to hate those horrible Mondays just the thought of which used to take away all the fun from Sunday evenings. Even now after all these years the feeling remains the same. I still get a startle when my mind starts to think into the future, the first hurdle to be cleared happening to be the ‘ Monday’ itself !!

And these days , because of the fact that I stay in aleppey , that implying I am staying away away from home , I am sort of excused from the chores I am expected of when I get back home and its like every holiday I am home is more or less a Sunday for me . I miss hostel at times though, but freaking out with your friends is one thing and cuddling onto your moms lap and sharing a sweet family talk with your parents is entirely another right ! its truly irreplaceable the bliss those moments grant you. How I wish I was a day scholar ! [ ofcourse with my college here in Trivandrum and not with, my family in aleppey ! ].
And I still get reminiscent about those childhood Sundays which I always used to look forward to for the very reason that its that day of the week when I was allowed to break free of the time table, helping myself with all the privileges of a kid . And the home coming times now are nevertheless enticing with the days at home unhesitatingly donning the spirit of a Sunday for me so as to let me relish all the fun I had missed when I was away from home. 

BREAKING FREE.. ALBEIT TOUGH !

                UNbelievable that i am pretty busy nw a days ! i mean with the way the last two months were torturing me ...playing games with me..this is damn relief ! seriously i hav lot to think about these days..see the decision to dedicate my time here in this very world of blogging is a perfect proof  :) :) but i am not sure whether i wll be able to keep up with my daily updates. i dont have a laptop naa :((. guess i will have to feed it in my mob or else facebok is a better option ! :):).. seriously giving it a thought. ..hmm...

                 Alright... coming back to my busy schedule... well i read a lot now a days :)..you know earlier when  i find myself in a terrible mood ,all gloomy..broody...i used to avoid giving too much time away  concentrating on books. i have no idea how that got into my head that i would end up contemplating more on the ' problem of that hour ' !! i mean i had this wrong idea  that it would worsen my already confused mind ! but somehow or the other it dawned on me that it might work in a positive way. needless to say i was right this time ! :) a big chunk of my day goes in the company of books. and the latest crush around the corner----- JOURNALS !!.. oh i am getting kinda obsessed with the journals ! you know last day i spent almost two hours in the college library going through the OUTLOOK magazines there ! and that too in the middle of the day, with the air hot and my mind tired !. but once i got my hands on the magazines , there ! my acumen was on the rise ! ;). this is turning out to be one helluva passion! :) 

THE WEEK is the best interest so far . they are just easy read ones, with a myriad of details that you never get bored. and the most important thing you can finish them in a matter of one or two hours :). you know i hate books which come with 500 plus pages of sentences, however mysterious or adventerous they promise to be. well impatience is the worst part of me which i have been working on for some time now. but i sort of lost out on my inspiration. so i am back to the restless me who jiggles with my pen the whole time or  with legs swaying almost half the time i am in the wards !



             And now something strikes me interesting ! I have read that pisceans have this weakness so particular of them that they tend to lose themselves on addictions and all those running away from life stuffs when they are met with some misery in their life. yea i sort of feel now that i got addicted too..to books, to penning down my thoughts, to contemplating, to playing badminton every day of the week when i am at hostel, to music,to giving more time to my friends, to rediscovering myself,my pleasures,watching movies back to back,admiring the sky !,loving back people who care for me, being with them, being there for them. I am glad that i got addicted to all the harmless reasons :) I  need to concentrate my heart, divert my mind on some thing which is apt enough to take me out of the shackles ! And i owe it to God for leading me to something good in my life now  ( of course i can put it affirmatively that it would never ever match the happiness i was shown to by someone these months )..may be its because of God that i am succeeding myself to be in a way happy now .
Even  when i was thrown away from the most beautiful, alluring HEAVEN , even when i was dissolving myself in the searing pain of the hell i landed in.. I WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT OUT OF THE DITCH I WAS DRAGGED INTO WITHOUT THE KINDNESS OF GOD. 

           Infact with december the hopes are bubbling up in the air :). lots of introspection , trusting on intuitions and instincts , dissecting circumstances , reasoning, grumblings and dissatisfied justifications for them ...these are what working behind the scenes ! but i should say those proved worthy. i am back to the ever spirited, passionate me again. but i cant leave out the truth that i feel incomplete now.. kinda..every time i get done with a job like, writing notes on facebook or finishing a book or laughing my heart out with my friends or even when i am up after a refreshing sleep, there is this pang of pain crawling deep into my mind. yes.. i miss a lot. i feel nothing can make me complete the way this last year saw me. The best days of my life. And even now not a day of me is complete without me checking and rechecking my inbox and the call log ..if at all i had missed out any.  
Life doesnt move the way we plan always right. It would be rather easy if you are ready to accept the fact that there cannot be pompous times always. There need to be dreary times too..may be to teach you, make you realise the value of the small joys life offers you. have the mind to accept each day as it is.

 
May be , we dont know for sure, but even then may be, every thing happens for a reason. May be every puzzle of life, the mystery behind every game it played on you will fall into place one day. 


         

             coming back to my hectic life these days ; This last week was awesome :) the whole week day and night we were sweating out ..yea the dance we were working on for the convocation ! and it was after some good 10 months we had been on stage. that should make it all the more exciting right !..it turned out that the practice sessions were hilarious ! each of us were enjoying to our best :) and the dance itself was the icing on the cake ! though it was not our ever best performance , considering the time period we were left with for practice it was quite a wonderful one indeed ! that sure helped alleviating my break down a lot !

         Today is christmas..and the last christmas season ( 2008 CHRISTMAS  SEASON ) is going to be the most memorable one ever in my life. i found my dream 'AMIDST BELLS AND CHIMES ' . still remember that orkut profile caption :). i miss those days. and this christmas i am left with no choice but to be happy with me, with the way i have retrieved my mind from the losses , from the wreck. hope this next year brings more to my life even though my it is always going to be in debt.. because it took away the most important piece of me. guess i need to live with it !!

                      "  MERRY CHRISTMAS MALINY AND A VERY VERY BRIGHT AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR " :) :) THINGS ARE GONNA COME YOUR WAY SOON.. YOUR LIFE IS NEVER DEVOID OF SURPRISES RIGHT ! BE ON THE LOOK OUT ;) :):)

CASTLE OF DREAMS

  There was this girl. Living in a world of fantasies and fairy tale dreams. And there was a time in her life when she found everything perfect. Her life itself seemed heaven. And there was nothing more she could ask of from God but to let it last forever.

 But its life and so also one day the unavoidable happened. And the reality hits harsher ryt on people living a dream for real. She was left with no choice but to fall prey to the cruel hands of fate. She tried to the best and best of her ability to bring her life back to the perfect castle it was. But some how fate was strange. It refused to see the passion burning in her heart. Days she sat silent, staring into the dark not knowing what to do. Weeping through the nights. And it made her hate them. She started fearing the nights which turned synonym for nightmare.And even took drugs to help her sleep. But mornings were even worse. The days seemed to be meaningless. Lustreless. There was nothing but sadness looming ahead each day..

.

 while a part of her was yearning to break free of the pain in which she was sinking more each day, a part of her was helplessly yielding to it. 
There are two things which help one move forward when struck with a loss. One is the hope that what happened was for the best. And the second is the hope that you deserve what you had and you will get back the same again some time in life. Rarely few are strong enought to accept the first. A few more believe the second one and hold onto their hopes. While even more sink deep in the searing pain and leaving everything in the hands of time to heal it some day. She asked herself what was that she chose ? And the answer was a part of everything. She gets elated at times when she holds onto her hope of things returning back to the same beautiful way. And other times when  her mind gets clouded with the dark shadows of reality she slumps down on her bed crying for hours. And by doing so she got scared realizing she was  torturing her mind making it weaker. But sometimes its almost impossible to move on. 
ultimately the truth shines proudly infront of you. That whether you decided to go down the slope or to rejuvenate your mind, the fact remains that you have lost something important. You can never replace it. She knew that too. And finally she chose upon to let time heal it and to move her life forward holding strong onto God..hoping God would be kind to bless her with happiness some day down her life. 


Its true that fairytales do happen ..but just that  in life its not necessary that they should  always have a happy ending.....

FORTITUDE

                                     

NOVEMBER 29 - 2009

  something strange happened this blessed day. Atleast its strange for me. Strange in a very positive way. I was in a some what terrible mood that day. I found myself quite indignant. Lamenting about anything and everything happening in my home, yelling at the top of my voice at my mom for asking me to change the channel to asianet for some munch star singer or whatever ! Not able to tolerate the kids sweating out their brows to make an 84 marks impression on the judges, i left the place. But i was all broody and as usual searched for some way to wrench free from the hell i was in. Getting back to my room my eyes fell on some thing path breaking ! I am quite,naa..not just quite but in a very good way addicted to the one and only creator of the masterpiece Alchemist. Hoping his other book would also help me find some nuggets, i got my hands on it and started going through it. And one fact caught my eye..like he was telling how in times of adversity you are shown a sign by God to help you get through the situation. Yea for all the atheists out there you might find this absurd. But its my story,my experience and i happen to be an ardent believer of Him. And some how or the other this revelation kinda clicked on my brain. And needless to say i felt a snap of joy in me all of a sudden. 

   Pondering over this but not quite relieved from the doldrums, i went downstairs. My mom had enough of 'swaram' s and 'shruthi' s for the day and had already cleared the place. And i settled infront of the idiot box which gets all the credit for making me lazier over the years ! Anyways i decided to watch some movie and chose on World movies which i watch only if its playing some english ones though they give subtitles for other languages. And they rarely show movies we usually are familiar with. But this time it turned out to be a surprise ! Lo ! There infront of me talking is Tim robbins and Morgan freeman and its ofcourse my most most favourite movie ' The shawshank redemption ' ! And the subtitle the moment the channel came on the screen was.. " They can torture you , but there is something that nobody can destroy ever..and that thing is inside you..and thats HOPE "..I was sitting on my chair my eyes fixed on the screen my mouth open  and staring at those words ! Can you believe it..those were the words i was searching for the whole day..I was wonderstruck like some  arrow of enlightment got through my head of something ! This may sound silly for people who are at present going through a rather pleasant period in their lives. But for me this was the best incident in some time over the past two weeks. And so also i couldnt help but let my heart fill with a certain kind of relief, excitement, astonishment whatever names you call it..And if it hadnt had a positive influence on me i wouldnt have put it down here right. Trust me i happened to have a peaceful time after i got this thought into my head. And you never realize the value of peace of mind unless you lose it ! And so also i said to me 'why wouldnt i believe in something which brings me good ?! ' :) :)..

P.S :  People claim right God exists for those who believe in Him ? May be like that 'out of the blues' and miracles occur for people who keep their eyes and mind open for them..believing..HOPING.. :) :)

THE GOOD AND THE BAD INDIA OF THE FICTION WORLD !

 I was reading this book XYZ  [ guess its wise not to reveal the name as it happens to be a pretty coveted one with the tag of a prestigious award attached to it ! ]  when certain things mentioned in this quite acclaimed book got me thinking .




One thing that start me off wondering most of the times i chose on an Indian author is the way they portray India. I wonder why they are taking this much pleasure in building up a picture about our country in the minds of people who buy their books that India is the most bizarre country they could ever land in ! Sometimes the miseries met with in our land are detailed out even to the minute, subtle facts that i find myself exclaiming - ' Oh ! Am i living in the poorest of the poorest of countries ?! ' Ya, its true that such conditions exist in several parts of our country. And its also true that there always are a good many takers when the stark realities of life are unveiled before them be it books or movies. 




I remember someone telling me one day that the unfortunate times stay in our minds for a longer period than the colourful times. I am not quite sure whether i agree with this. Ok its agreed that the adverse times take a longer period to vanish from our minds but once they are gone we rarely bring them back to our thoughts again. Whereas the pompous times pass by easily but we always find it tempting to bring those times back to our minds with all the joy and smiles it offered.




Ya, coming back, may be these authors aim of touching our heart deep and if possible melt it so that their work lingers in our thought process for a pretty long time ! We read those and come to the already established conclusion that ' India is a pathetic country ! ' and keep on wondering decades after decades whether we are ever gonna get promoted to the royal bunch of the developed ones !

 

 Its again true that there isnt any dearth of books that highlight the perseverant one India is. And how we are gaining up in all the major fields of science and technology. But just that such books  rarely find readers and they rarely find a way upto the jury level. It would have been a relief if such books got projected to the limelight ! I cant help hoping atleast a few of the affluent lot get inspired and turn sympathetic reading those ' We-are-the-worst ' tagged books and try transform the lives of the suffering mass ! 




And not to mention the ones that paint an exaggerated version of the modern sophisticated India which comes down to a very minor lot ! hey does it have to do anything with the sales value of these indian english books in the international level ? guess so ! well the intricacies and manipulations and the headaches that cycle inside the print circle is alien to me. may be its all part and parcel of the media and pretty much unavoidable. i dont intend to dissect  those anyways. This is just entirely my view and yeah  many have already shown their resentment towards my angle. Though i couldnt help but write this down here atleast to let out my frustration and disagreement on going through the dirty one India is ! [ as the shade painted by the author goes ]




Anyways its the discretion of the authors, their imagination, their purview and also fiction isnt always created with the purpose of bringing about changes in the mindset of people right !

SMALL DROPS.....THEN ITS RAIN ! :)

  

Waking up some mornings i find myself in a halo of emotions. Each and every single and silly detail which had annoyed me the previous day come flooding into my mind in a battalion. Funny thing is many of those would already hav been met with a solution as the result of my reasonings and judgements. But even then they make their way back on such peculiar mornings ! Strange :0 . I try to discard them with an air of disdain and is met with success every time to make my thought space empty for the pleasant ones. I love the way such thoughts drive me happy and dandy. And many a times i find myself easily inspired. Even small quotes or even small deeds of others seem to influence me in a quite much positive way. Guess i am lucky that the 1% of success is constantly with me. And if i am right the remaining 99% isnt that easy to be born with ! Anyway each day begins with all its expectations, anxieties and promises.

   We have our college bus which leaves from college at 7.40 and drops us at the hospital. It has always been a wonder for me the way i look forward for the time in bus. I think there are many a reason behind that. Seriously during our second year it was mainly for the fact that there are a pretty good many seniors who get in the bus ! No big deal right ! But later this started gaining less importance because it could never vye with my passion for journeys :p. Well i think i am addicted to the way i feel when i am on the move. I just love the way the wind blows on me and its always interesting to watch how the world wakes up to the new day when you travel early morning..

  I used to be lazy in a hopeless way to go for postings during my 3rd and 4th yrs. And i had kinda anticipated the worst when i got into my final year because every medical student is aware of the general rule that its the toughest part of the course. But on the contrary the postings underwent some sort of transformation this time around ! Some how or the other it turned interesting like never before. And everything comes with a reason !

  My unit happens to be a rather one of a kind one or lets put it feisty and its outstanding for a variety of reasons which only we know of. We are a group of seven with 3 girls and 4 boys. And we happen to have one heck of a time together :) :) One fact which deserves mention is that we are never apprehensive about anything :D . The perfect example to cite is that we hold the credit for being the only batch which made a ' Roaring lion' in our pediatrics dept laugh out loud while he was picking us up one by one with the pointless aim of testing our knowledge ! ( thanx to one exceptionally cool girl in our batch :) ). 

 And we are never bored of the long hours of standing in the wards. Blessings are never ending in the form of e-games ! If last year it was Word craze, during the internment it was Sudoku. And the latest to join the lot is Scrabble ;). We girls and one guy happen to be 'book a holics' and we are always in for anything which clubs words and fun. We all fell head over heels for this new smart way to pass time. Four heads gathered over the phone we shout, we fight , we think, we invent words settling comfortably on the receptive beds which are actually forbidden for us !

  Seriously the time spent in clinics is turning out to be the oasis in this desert ! There happen to be a whole range of topics to chat about..books, movies, songs and anything under the sky  combined with occasional spurts of laughter which are inevitable!  Hey dont get the impression that we are are a bunch of madcaps who happen to be the worst students in this precious medical college ok ! But then studies is just one part of life right. You sure need to take care of the other sides of the coin too !

   And joy is something which sure is contagious. And you better agree to this fact and be a part of it because i strongly believe that most of the memorable incidents in life are born when you are having a good time either with people you love or even with strangers. Just the common factor remains the same. And when that day came to an end i had come to the conclusion that for me one easy way to make my days here worthy is to simply laugh out with my friends and have a great time living ! :)