PASSION

I never realized the importance of this word or rather the perfect part it plays in my life each single day until a while back. To be precise, i never got the impetus to sit down to dissect the word to its subtleties in any of my contemplative modes until some one as a miracle happened to seep into my mind, removed the blindfold and opened my eyes to the ever inspiring, beautiful haven hidden in a poorly lit corner of my mind.

It so happens sometimes right ? My mom used to tell me when i sit dejected and brooding over something that ' Are you ever going to realize your worth ?!! ' . Well i believe many would have the same story to say. Maybe the character asking the question would be different. Sometimes it turns out that you need some one else to enlighten you on yourself. Can be your mother, can be your father, siblings or even your love, or sometimes a complete stranger !.

It did for me. I happened to realise like some smoke screen has been erased from my vision that being passionate doesnt narrow down to just yelling at the top of your mind's voice and daring any challenge that comes your way. On the other hand it happens to be more about dedicating your whole heart to things you love. Its more about making your days meaningful. I mean we maynot be able to live our days like a protagonist of some movie whom as we see would be so pursuing a Happening life !! Well yea maybe for some but not for all. For people like me, its about relishing each asset i'm blessed with , each smile that makes my day. I believe only some one who finds a small heaven in the blessings they are so fortunately laden with, can succeed in striving for more .

you might find this silly ! But i realised these days that , i find myself pretty much in love with certain things the more i do it, i love certain movies the more i watch it and i love certain songs the more i listen to it. Is it coz they are hopelessly addictive ? Or is it coz i'm passionate towards them ? Either way right ? Like things that are hopelessly addictive can make us passionate towards them and things we are passionate about can turn out hopelessly addictive !!

well guess that explains it ! And if you find yourself happy doing something, just love it to the core !! Be it loving some one or loving something ! If you have a hobby be passionate about it . If you feel you wanna do more with your days , why hesitate ?! Or is it like oh i'm too weak to survive a chance or i'm gonna discard the idea sooner or later anyway ? Well you never know unless you try !! May be that would be one of the best decisions of your life ! :)

Conviction and Faith in what you love makes you love them more. If you are some one passionate, well i can say without a tad of doubt that you have the most exciting life infront of you ! :) And if you are some one who wants to be one, all i can say is that . . Its never Late !! :)

MY DIARY :) :)

To start off , lemme first brief you on what actually ignited my mind into bringing out this note :p .well its that I happened to flip through the pages of my old diary ( some 6 yrs back ) a while back. And lemme add this too that i'm still not quite over the myriad of emotions it sent me through ! I mean , God ! Can anything be more embarassing than to read yourself lamenting and crying your heart out there for the silliest of things and feeling desperate !

I know for certain that if I sit down to write my diary this very moment , Chances are cent percent that I would come up with the whackiest of the thoughts in between depicting the incidents of the day :p. So that makes it even. Lets not make a fuss about all those crazy stuffs !

Now going through what i'd jotted down over the days did help me hark back some precious moments . And I found myself smiling , laughing , blushing , wondering and they even left me in tatters at some points , not the least exaggerating . The sentences became poignant at times and wicked at other times . And in short it was pretty much an enticing journey to the past for I could view the me of yester years as easy as that !

And the icing on the cake which made me go ROFL ? Well the diction and my style of depiction itself ! Take for eg : one incident when me and my parents were going on a trip to the beach. And according to the diary It seems i was not the least in the mood for a trip. And the exact line goes as :

' My mind was swirling in joy but at the same time my head was spinning in the excruciating pain bogging me down ! '

Now what the heck is tht !! :p I know its against my morale to make fun of myself , but lemme just let it pass this one time ;)

Nonetheless one's personal diary is some what like the mirror image of one's mind. It perfectly captures the nook and corner of your thought field and you find the emotions you never thought existed gushing out in a fray. Writing down consoles you at times , helps you take decisions at times ( not that thats the only way ) , and even gives colourful meaning to the tiniest of achievements like the bliss you experience while copying down the very last page of your SPM record !

It comes without say people change . Their concepts change over the years. The blank space in the diary captures your purview at the moment you were writing them down. You wont be thinking the same way the very next moment , or days after having written down something. It sure gives me an idea about how I used to appoach things and how my graph went after that. Here one never has to fake emotions or hide one's weaknessess behind the mask of boldness as we are forced to many a times . I should say that applies to writing down your mind in anyway - say a blog , a poem or just thoughts on a scrap of paper.

Nevertheless , by opening up that way has played their part in aiding me deal many not so pleasant situations thrown my way.

For me writing my diary is more or less a venture albeit a blissful one. For my one day doesnt get over in one page however hard I try. But then thats just me being me - never a girl of less words :). So the core . . juggling words is what I do in my diary . . And as to how I do that . . Well did I tell you that

' Trespassers will be strictly prosecuted ' !! :p

P.s : its likely that you might be able to relate to this post more if you have the habit of writing a diary yourself .

Attitude Huh :D !!

   

                                                  The question is familiar - Is there anyone out there whose days ( sometime or the other ) dont seem to be darkened by the brunt of something awful from the past . Well, ofcourse it depends on how ' kick-ass ' the trouble you landed in was ! Most would say yes . Sometimes we find ourselves wondering how silly its on our part to carry the hell with us  when time is supposed to heal even the deepest of the wounds. But then some scars hurt and they hurt a lot. 


                                              Many amongst  would be having a face ( read notorious one ) hidden in the corners of our minds who brings more or less the picture of a demon well . . Carrying a mighty Screw in their hands !! How we wish we could just go around kicking those dumb asses and just get away with it in the real world ! I wouldnt mind being a Charlie's Angel myself ! If only it was as easy as i put it .


                                               Amidst fallacies and false accusations we tread, some succumb, a few remain stone faced. As i said earlier pretty much weighs on the devil we are talking about here as well as the kinda person we are. Its no surprise we fail miserably to wrench free from something as torturing as this even when our minds shouldnt be enjoying it the least ! But we move on...these surface a second time . . We move on. . A third time. . We move on . . Umpteen number of times . . We move on. 


                                         For its not in your hands sometimes to control things . Its not in your hands to rein over people's thoughts . But its definitely in our hands to pull out the nerves to show them that you dont care . And its definitely in our limits to show them how happy , how unshaken you are after all those hell they pushed you through !

                                          The grit matters and it matters damn good for its what makes you take the sweetest revenge even if its for a moment. .even if we wont be knowing for sure what they feel..Agree it or not But the rush that fills your mind must sure make you proud of what you have made of yourself.. And remember for many it happens to be from the trashes stinking the worst ! 

Gaining hearts - the virtual way !

                                 Well this happens to be my 25th note on FB and i'm not quite sure if this is gonna deal with anything extra special. what better way to celebrate the event than to pen down something about the networking sites itself ! somehow i want to keep it crisp and brief this time. oh yeah the pros and cons of the booming networking sites and the breakneck speed by which they seem to take over our lives are pretty much a debate everywhere ! but lemme get down to what i have been wanting to say about the same. infact a few of my updates happened to go up on my page based on the similar topic.


                                 have you come to notice how light it seems to create an impression pretty much ' above average ' on people now a days ? thanks to the virtual world ! on the other hand do you think its any easy to gain a wild card entry to peoples hearts let alone create a not so bad impression on them when the matter comes to dealing people one on one ? i dont wanna emphasise on the word ' impression ' for you would say ' its not for creating an impression on others that we harbour this world ! and i dont intend to generalise things but to view it from an angle which doesnt seem improbable.
                        
                                  very rarely do i find people putting up updates which broadcast the not - so - attractive face of them. infact i dont find them at all ! ( that includes me ! ) afterall whats the big need for that right considering the least probability of gaining a ' LIKE' for the same in addition to leaving a shade all black on the minds of people ! though not doing that doesnt imply you are any less good either. but you can never be sure. i feel its tough a job to judge people by how they portray themselves on these sites. especially social sites where you get to have a whole lot of people getting to know you in a click . you happen to be on their fingertips if i put it literally ! i've been irritated many a times having to be a spectator to people throwing off oh - so - charming attitudes when they arent anywhere near to the same . yeah i very much agree its quite a platform for people to display their talents and we appreciate it too. but sometimes it turns out to be a niche for ostentatious people to show off ' who they wannabe ' . yea maybe this comes only to a minority. but the fact is that this is not something which isnt happening. 
   
                               guess its like ' the first impression and the impressions to come ' are always  the best out here ! but lets not forget that , sans doubt ,there is always a long way to go before you actually come to terms with what people are for real .

Smoke N Fire !

                                
                                        Pretty sure that  many would agree with this age old idiom that  ' Not always the first impression or for that matter someone's job defines who the person is ' . Infact , sometimes your job entirely camouflages who your are inside. its without  doubt impossible to predict a person from the position he keeps or by the smartness he/she throws off . i came to stumble upon this revelation a few months back. yea its true we nod our heads in agreement when someone says not to  judge people by their looks. but i should say its when you came across some incidence that solidifies the validity of such statements in your mind that your mind opens up to the same for real...without a tad of doubt.


                                       For  example ( no offence intended ), just because one wields the magical tool of a stethescope that can heal millions, should it come for granted that he is devoid of all sin let alone being a philanthropist ? likewise just because someone seems grumpy in one circumstance , it simply doesnt mean that he should be written off as some villain ! for circumstances do have a huge impact on our minds and we come up with the weirdest of things at times .. rather to your shock !


                                     of course if i sit down and evaluate myself i can give some 90 % for the way i am to others . so do you ! for we never realize there might be times when the slips of our tongue created fury or even heartaches to the ones at the receiving end.  but i do want to say that when i sit down to evaluate others, i do that by taking into account how they are to me. but i must say many a times i have been carried away by the general notion others have about some person. and its stunting to know how a few words can make or break a person in the minds of others in a blink ! but if you think deep..they are just meaningless.. unless and until you happened to have a bitter experience from the person in the scene. otherwise its just foolishness to read a person through the minds of others ! plus it can end up pathetically erroneous if you approach someone with a prejudiced outline ..thanks to those around you and their innumerable judgement and reasons !


                                    some are of the opinion that -  there certainly cannot be smoke without a fire right ! well is it wise to follow this rule blindly ? nonetheless its not the least faulty  to doubt a fire when you see a smoke also right !  take this for instance . .its improbable on our part sometimes to doubt that someone would talk behind our back esp after having had seemingly the most beautiful conversation in your entire life ! 

                                   


                                      Experiences happened to stuff some maturity into my head knowingly or unknowingly that these days i have learnt to anticipate a fire from anyone i come across ! except for a few whom i trust to the core. and anytime anyone can be a part of this trusted circle. just that my discretion weighs tons more than the yapping or rather the cheesy opinions i receive from others into making that decision. it can also turn up that someone who did something pretty destructive to you , during the course of time gets back to being not your enemy a second time. there can be a reason for the same too or its just the trick of time. would you trust that person a second time ? i would if there was a good reason for the havoc that happened. But then its just too complicated to generalise such vagaries life thrusts upon us . lets leave it for its way too complicated to be discussed in simple words.


                                      In short i am  Not quite sure how many would go with this - but in my 'opinion' ( exclusively for my mind :P ) :


                                                  Opinions can be deceiving at times . Take a person by how they are to you. For by doing that we stand a lesser ( in quotes ) chance of losing someone precious or on the contrary even getting wounded along the way  .

Scared To Lose !

     
        As they say . . As every contemplative mind agrees . . " Anything that doesnt kill you makes you stronger " . One of the most meaningful quotes . . i would agree . Hands down.


             But at times i feel yet another side of the dark experiences which leave you in tatters. Once you have been through a depressing course of your life, knowingly or unknowingly you get scared when smiles return to your life. For You happened to lose it once. And you alone could guage the depth it affected you. The emptiness you found yourself sinking in. .


            And i guess everyone holds something or the other close to their heart . We all have precious people in our life without whom we would feel stranded. We all have certain things  which we carry with us threaded with a ' Its Mine ' tag .


 Keep them locked inside your world . Never let anything shatter  the smiles those grant which ultimately makes your day . . Rather days . .


 Never Take those blessings for granted . . 


              Its in all ways better to relish happiness as long as it stays colouring your moments .
 And may be getting scared is not that bad after all ! Infact,   


" Its nice to get scared at times . . For it shows you still have something to lose ! " :)  


P.S : The last quote was actually a status update of my friend's . . One which i had Liked a while back :)

THE BESTEST :)

                        
  
                             I know i shouldnt be doing this when the Big Fat Scary exam of the lot is blaring strong around the corner. but sometimes  the thoughts running aimlessly through my mind help me in no way but to create a pandemonium ! for what starts as a pure ray in my mind starts slipping through the slits of silliness etched in some corners of my head . and what remains is merely the havoc it set off. but now when i write  this down i just need the first bit of ray to guide me...and i just want its brightness to complete me.
                        
                              Friends - such an ubiquitous relation , that it has almost lost its depth over the centuries. how many people do you gain in all the years of your life whom you can call your bestfriend ?
                            
                              i had one dear person as my best friend a few years back. but years separated us. reason being as silly and simple as lack of readiness on our part to hold onto  each other. or may be as i had put up as my status today... ' the most important factor which decides the sustainment of any relation is the readiness of the minds to keep trying..though it happens only if the same is meant to be sustained '.
                            
                                But i feel if you miss someone who used to be with you each day bringing smiles on your face by their simplest of talks, who never failed to shine bright for you even in the darkest hours of your life, who pulled you out of the deepest holes of your mind..some one with wom you can share the silliest of yapping even in the oddest of the hours.then a relation as beautiful as that never deserves to be broken..

                              There can possibly be no one who would read through you to its deepest core as your bestfriend. and there can possibly be no one who would stay by you even after seeing through the least beautiful spaces of your mind . and there can possibly be no one who would keep trying to keep you precious so that you wouldnt feel any less special. and there can possibly be no one who would never lose hope even when they find you lost in the way...for its they who would walk with you all the way back trying to help you find everything you had lost.

                            And lucky are those who are destined to be sharing their life with their bestfriend..lucky are those who have some one whom they can call their bestest buddy forever and lucky are those who are blessed with a bestfriend they never had, in the person whom they are destined to be with....

P.S :  TO YOU :)


  

                                  

ARE FEELINGS TRANSIENT ?

        
         I can visualise a lot many lips whispering NO to this question. why saying about others..i find my very own lips hung between YES and NO. Like it used to do puzzled when my teachers threw at me the so called 'intelligent' tricky questions which make me feel like nodding yes and no at the same time ! okay , lemme try make the question simpler by dissecting it into the myriads of minute albeit heavy questions it carry. guess that would atleast lemme nod positive for some and negative  for the rest.


      I was watching this movie where one seemingly philosophical character was kinda making a neat effort to classify BASIC Emotions. ( read the word basics in quotes )  and i must say i found it pretty decent given the task is herculean ! well here goes that classification :
  
   1 ) HATE
   2 ) GUILT
  3 ) SHAME
  4 ) REVENGE
  5 ) LOVE

      Considering the celebrity status the word Love receives now a days and it received  the centuries past and still to receive in  the centuries to come, it seems the word Feeling is some what synonymous with Love. i wonder why he listed the word towards the end ! guess the word is the heavier of the lot !


      Nonetheless i found the whole idea quite riveting. and plunging in did i do and here are the excerpts from the interview i had one on one with my brain. read the word MY on quotes for my brain is entirely my asset and your's is entirely your's. lets not allow  the opinions of the two get muddled up and create a mess ;)
  
      1 ) HATE :
                            Do you still hate someone who happened to do something to you which irrevocably damaged your dignity ? wait lemme ask my brain ; its thinking long, hard and back in time !  For there was one incident in my life when for the silliest of the reason, someone leashed out a ' LEMME RUIN YOUR PRIDE ' war against me. lets name the person KALA BANDER !. [ no offence ! someone helped me chose the right word for this person at that time :) ] yup, coming back , needless to say kalabander ended up successful and i found the beautiful world around me stinking in his bad breath !! and HOW i hated the person who let out a wave of repressive air against me then ! well do i hate the person now ?? quite shocking ! for my brain is nodding transversely ! I cant help asking myself..Am i a dork ?! or am i the perfect example of the people who have the likes of MOTHER EARTH ?! i am still in search of an enlightment on the same. doubtful though ! anyways i should say  the word HATE holds a meaning transient for me.


      2 ) REVENGE :
                             I believe revenge is one emotion which makes you end up as the mirror image of the same force which instilLed the emotion in you. and the positive counterpart of the same is LOVE :) . And Somehow i was never magnanimous enough to make someone pay for their senselessness and there by transform them or whatever . maybe for the same reason i am one  creature who shouts a big NO against death sentence ! Gandhian ? sharing the likes of JESUS ? seems DIPLOMATIC would be the word . To my horror i find myself trying to reason their state of mind which made them do something 'HEINOUS' to me rather than pity myself . weird huh ! .Heard FORGIVENESS IS DIVINE !! whatever.


    3 ) GUILT AND SHAME :
                                               Has it ever occured to you that you find yourself  think out loud recollecting incidents from your life that ' shit ! i shouldnt have said that ! ' ? i have. and i still feel terrible every time the words i must have blurted out in a trance give me pangs of guilt. i have hurt a few in my life so far and praying hard not to have the count rising. for i know for sure i am gonna live with the wounds of guilt which seem even deeper than those i made.
      
    The same applies to SHAME too and sadly these get a transverse nod from me :(




    4 ) LOVE :
                             Last but not the least, the most happening word of the universe ! like and love are not the same right ? love holds a deeper meaning. its addictive but at the same time makes you dependant. when you like something you never end up dependant . ya  maybe it can end up habitual. but never do you feel pain for long  when you part with the same. guess CRUSH fits perfectly in that slot!


                             Is there something called EVERGREEN LOVE ? Can you love someone  a lifetime and maybe for seven life times as die hard romantics put it ?! being one myself i say YES ! Just that its quite a phenomenon which demands the confluence of many pieces put together.
                            
                             A ) both minds put together
                             B )  circumstances
                             C ) commitment
                             D ) less alluring faces around you :P [ kidding ok ! strike it ;) ]
                             E ) and the most difficult of the lot - the reason for existence itself - ALMIGHTY ! ( Atheist can afford to omit this one ! )
                      
                              And even if your are unfortunate to be in the juncture of these , you still can love someone forever through the so called double edged wonder - memories :)


                              So is LOVE transient ?? i must say it takes three course


                           : If you are the person who lost someone dear, then love is forever and so is pain


                           : On the other hand if you are the one who left someone who was dear, then also believe it or not love is forever just that  whenever it peeks out in your lone hours it gets masked by the darker one called Guilt.


                            : And if your someone blessed enough to share your lifetime with the person you love, then needless to say love is forever !  ( lemme say my brain has kinda come to the conclusion that love goes past the stage of crush to commitment and beyond that which  definitely is the result of the factors  mentioned above ).


                            So it seems LOVE for me  is not transient but   TRANSGRESSING :) :)
                          
                        

EXAMS AND DAYDREAMZZ...

   Sitting on my chair with my eyes glued to the wall, while one of the most precious things in the world - KNOWLEDGE brought to life in black beautiful sentences on the bundle of pages continue to mock me proudly with a guffaw , is kinda becoming more or less a habit ! 

 I am here finding myself mature into the genre of the privileged Jack of all trades ! 

 What more can i say when my eyes are busy scanning the row of letters, my fingers  relentlessly doodling on a scrap of paper, my mind wandering quite excitingly to unseen lands, untangling the messed up details so subtle, trying to reach the bottom of the riddles and jigsaws so plenty in life.

 Am i blind to miss the letters ? 

No.

Am i insane not to let the details register ?

No.

Am i a goddamm artist to paint my imagination on a piece of paper ? 

Hell no ! 

I am just a human mind craving to put my thoughts to words so that they would look flawless and natural.
I am some one dying to wringle free from the chains which strain me .
My  self wishes each second to dwell in the loves  of my mind.

I contemplated on it many times whether to jot down these. After many a ' No ' s i gave in. I decided to be here to let out my mind - be they bleak, be they raw, be they unalluring .

 But now i have come to reason with myself. Like any student, Now i find myself wake up startled from the depths of my mind's cacophony .
 I am once again back in my room with my big bundle of knowledge waiting to be tackled .

 This time i am seeing the letters for real with my mind.

For the truth remains unaltered, unshattered...

 Exams are meant to be fought through whether you agree or not !

And Exam is an unavoidable fact ;

one unbreakable rule ;

 whether you like it or not !

Glow stronger in the Dark :)

 Blank - Lost - Lacklustre - Depressed. The much dreaded sequence of symptoms of a lost mind. No, this isnt some psychiatrists angle of view..bt its me the human mind jotting down my purview.

 Does it come as a surprise when i say everyone has problems ?

Does it seem improbable when i say problems are seamless ?

Does it sound shocking when i say, there is a bit of insanity in everyone ?

I have many a times come face to face with this particular scenario -

 Like when i am through a very troubling situation, which has been bogging me down for sometime, and when i indulge in rejoicing at the finishing point, what awaits me at the turn around would be yet another cascade of mishaps ! The situation sounds familiar of what !

 There is yet another scenario - The lackadaisical days !. I am dubious here. Can a person look gorgeous 24 hrs a day. Doesnt the physical appearance get tarnished by the heat and gales of the day ? And so also, why would it be any different for the inner beauty ? Given that the gales and heat of the inside happens to be million times stronger and nevertheless incapacitating let alone making you blank.

There is a solution to every problem they say. A statement which is IMPECCABLE !! Sadly many a times we realise this on retrospection. When hit with a problem a human being if you are one take a while to let it sink. Even thou the duration varies. While some people beat the dust ! But i came across this quote on my bro's fb page that

'The glory is in coming back after you have been struck down to your knees !! '

Many just wouldnt pay heed to this. Coz they are so just prejudiced about themselves ! So determined in holding onto their belief however destructive thy happen to be.

Giving rest to your mind when you feel dejected, passive or even disinterested can help.

Asking yourself the source of the problem can have yourself end up with an answer 99 per.

Take one step at a time. Small drops ultimately make the ocean. And slow and steady sure wins the race.

Lemme add a saying which my just senior batch scribbled on our corridor wall before leaving the hostel -

' If you think you can or think you cant , you are right '!

My conclusion is to go ahead and do what you feel like doing. What you feel like doing must be actually what you are supposed to be doing ! ( theory not advised if you are planning to be harmful to others even thou it can be true in that case also ! )

There has been times when i'v found myself caught in the middle. Bt then i realised two or three days of inactivity isnt the end of life ! It will be the end of life, if the two days see your mind active in stuffing you with negative thoughts. Even two days of zero traffick as far as your mind is concerned isnt a big deal. It even can end up positive for it can be the serenity preceeding the exuberance ;)

Last , but most importantly, keep doing something or the other with the faith that it cant be that bad a situation afteral ! For all these years life has shown you tht

' Everything passes, somehow or the other ' !!