I don't know whether you will publish this comment or not. I landed up in your blog from indiblogger and thought will add some honest feedback. I think that the use of the words 'sans' is not well suited in this context and the expression 'the night hates me' is kind of killing the promise it meant. A night does not hate a prostitute nor does she hate it. It flourishes her existence however painful it might be. If those lines were something different, it could have been brilliant. Good luck with your writing.
appreciate your criticism . . rarely happens in the blogging field as far as i could see ! i had my reasons to compose the last line that way . here the girl herself is speaking those lines . . and she knows every body hates her . .to her everything other than herelf is divine . . and so is the night . . with night being the sole witness , she concludes it should hate her too . . though it indirctly helps her out with the veil of darkness it grants. . but then does it have a choice ?
thanks a lot for the suggestion . .would definitely be useful to me . . do drop by again . . you have a very cultured blog i should say :) beautiful depictions of the photographs. . wl come back for more :)
I think as abhra said, "sans" is not the word to be used there as it has different meaning and uses. Probably "clothes 'empty' of thoughts" would have suited better.
But then apart from that I guess the feeling that you have used as a seed to describe an emotion with an image created with words is beautiful.
Shashi ॐ नमः शिवाय Om Namah Shivaya http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.in/2012/02/whispers-lost-soul-and-love-in-haiku.html
I went on to search the meaning of 'sans' and its etymology. And, then I read the haiku again. Well, I think there is nothing wrong with the word. A writer pens down his/her thoughts and readers are at liberty to interpret it. As far as the killing the promise is concerned and night doesn't hate prostitute. I guess, you were trying to write what she feels at that moment. As far as a single word ruining the emotions is concerned. Read this line:
'He loves me like a b*****d and I love when he loves me like that' The writer is not demeaning the love making process, he is showing the wild side of it.
It is stimulating to see the debate on eact meaning of your haiku .. to add my view: I like the sense of first line, "sans thoughts" because to think would drive her crazy and not allow her to continue with her "work" .. I also like the "night hates me", night is like a mother, it covers her pain in the darkness but it also despairs for her child because she is forced to see her body ..
Clothes sans thought,to pleasure them lot !The lusty truth of hunger spot !!...Who'll care of body bought ,diving in deep to the senses pot !!... nice quote dear ..http://saurabhnation.blogspot.com "Saurabh Sarthak"
nice to see some strong view points and debate on the haiku 1 st time on a blog. When I read it first, I felt it a fab piece of work. When I read it once more after reading suniljee's comment, there is no second thought- it's a masterpiece.
short and crisp with a very beautiful point. perfect!
ReplyDeletethanks a lot for dropping by della :) have a gud day . .
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete3 intense lines. I never could figure Haiku out...ur clearly good at it.
ReplyDeleteyes haiku is a little bit difficult . . i just started to learn . . thanks a lot for dropping by :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. I could never convey so much with such few words. :)
ReplyDeletethanks akshay :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful combination of words...
ReplyDeleteIts been long since I have come across any Haiku and that too this good. :)
thats flattering vinay . . thanx a ton for ur comment . . do drop by again :)
ReplyDeletei am not sure whether i can write like this..
ReplyDeletebrilliant work !
Powerful and a haunting Haiku.
ReplyDeletethanks a ton deepak . . means a lot :)
ReplyDeletethanks for dropping by arun :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether you will publish this comment or not. I landed up in your blog from indiblogger and thought will add some honest feedback. I think that the use of the words 'sans' is not well suited in this context and the expression 'the night hates me' is kind of killing the promise it meant. A night does not hate a prostitute nor does she hate it. It flourishes her existence however painful it might be. If those lines were something different, it could have been brilliant. Good luck with your writing.
ReplyDeleteappreciate your criticism . . rarely happens in the blogging field as far as i could see !
ReplyDeletei had my reasons to compose the last line that way . here the girl herself is speaking those lines . . and she knows every body hates her . .to her everything other than herelf is divine . . and so is the night . . with night being the sole witness , she concludes it should hate her too . . though it indirctly helps her out with the veil of darkness it grants. . but then does it have a choice ?
thanks a lot for the suggestion . .would definitely be useful to me . . do drop by again . . you have a very cultured blog i should say :) beautiful depictions of the photographs. . wl come back for more :)
ReplyDeleteWow... very aptly and beautifully put in three lines the misery of a prostitute...
ReplyDeleteWow! Apt description.Three crisp lines describing the message clearly.Great work!
ReplyDeleteMy world, my thoughts, my musings...
Dear maliny
ReplyDeleteI think as abhra said, "sans" is not the word to be used there as it has different meaning and uses. Probably "clothes 'empty' of thoughts" would have suited better.
But then apart from that I guess the feeling that you have used as a seed to describe an emotion with an image created with words is beautiful.
Shashi
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.in/2012/02/whispers-lost-soul-and-love-in-haiku.html
I went on to search the meaning of 'sans' and its etymology. And, then I read the haiku again. Well, I think there is nothing wrong with the word. A writer pens down his/her thoughts and readers are at liberty to interpret it. As far as the killing the promise is concerned and night doesn't hate prostitute. I guess, you were trying to write what she feels at that moment. As far as a single word ruining the emotions is concerned. Read this line:
ReplyDelete'He loves me like a b*****d and I love when he loves me like that' The writer is not demeaning the love making process, he is showing the wild side of it.
Hope you agree...:)
It is stimulating to see the debate on eact meaning of your haiku .. to add my view: I like the sense of first line, "sans thoughts" because to think would drive her crazy and not allow her to continue with her "work" .. I also like the "night hates me", night is like a mother, it covers her pain in the darkness but it also despairs for her child because she is forced to see her body ..
ReplyDeletestupendous feelings hidden in depth-
ReplyDeleteI love all the haiku you write!! They are dripping with so much intensity that those few words speak mighty volumes.:)
ReplyDeleteI'm following you!:) Going to read through your so many posts now :D
Clothes sans thought,to pleasure them lot !The lusty truth of hunger spot !!...Who'll care of body bought ,diving in deep to the senses pot !!... nice quote dear ..http://saurabhnation.blogspot.com "Saurabh Sarthak"
ReplyDeletethat was exceptionally good...
ReplyDeleteI'm short of word to praise it... :O
The best Haiku I am read.. Really touched my heart and brought tears.
ReplyDeleteMaliny - WOW !!! 3 lines and such powerful words .. superb girl ..
ReplyDeleteabsurdly beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDo prostitutes really cry ??
ReplyDeletenice to see some strong view points and debate on the haiku 1 st time on a blog.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read it first, I felt it a fab piece of work. When I read it once more after reading suniljee's comment, there is no second thought- it's a masterpiece.
short and crisp with a very Strong point. perfect!Awesome !!
ReplyDeleteOh .. hard hitting .. true after all they are human too ..
ReplyDeleteBikram's
beautiful words
ReplyDeletebeautiful words
ReplyDeleteYou made me feel all those emotions only with 3 lines!? How'd you do that?!
ReplyDeletebeautiful words
ReplyDelete