Tuesday, December 29


1. If its so engraved in your head that you arent worthy of happiness, then alas !, even the universe conspires to create a ' comfortable ' blanket of Hell around you . Its understood that it takes lot of nerves to smile through your shackles. Infact its a must that you should be affected by the challenges. But dont be lavish in setting up an upperlimit to your whining period ! It takes a good many thoughts working to end up in a decision. So better make it something worthy . The choice is whether to give up or whether to keep walking through hell fighting the demons till you are rewarded with a blink of the bridge to heaven .

- Better believe in yourself ! Otherwise even God gets depressed watching your lacklustre story that he, further decides to oust all his negative energy onto you :D . Why wasting those on beautiful minds quite jaunty and ingenious, that they rarely let you down with their biopic right !

2. Try putting on a courageous, never - say - die gesture on your face. I bet you will be confused whether you are hogging the lime light ! Atleast for a brief moment . Courage isnt something thats reserved for a privileged lot. Its within each of us. The onus is left to you whether to yank it out of the attic and  refurbish your mind with the most indelible entity of success - courage to accept your down fall and to rise all upbeat. :)

- Thinking of adorning a vapid expression on your face so as to give meaning to your absolutely vapid mind ? Be satisfied being a pawn all your life !

3. Some people are so adamant, oh ! Thats too humble a word, lets make it obstinate, that they arent generous enough to 'not' make the world hell for you . Instead they put up an attitude and scoff at you . I'm not trying to garnish my thoughts with the big attitude thing when i say You alone is Responsible for your life. Its the ultimate truth !

Moral - Mind your own business. The world itself is running short of feelings, let alone compassion !

4. True, dreaming is the first step towards building your future. But be awake enough lest you should make it your last step as well ! No one is going to shower you with accolades just because you showed the guts to dream . Be ready to take the essential steps to making those a reality. Atleast the efforts are worthy of self satisfaction. And dont turn a fool outta yourself by remaining stagnant . Letting your mind flow with the dream is the lynchpin of closing down the distance between a dream and reality .

5. Have a zillion ideas running through your head ? USE THEM !!

Have a soul bubbling with talents ? USE THEM !!

- Be pragmatic enough to put them to use. And not dorky enough to save them fresh and raw so that you could take them to dust . Do justice to yourself. Be the best of what you are. Chances are rare that anyone can beat you in that ;)

Hesitant ? Lazy ? Pessimist ? Sinking in that ' same old villain ' , inferiority complex ?

Grow up ! Not many are genetically privileged ! Dont you see that you are ahead of others already ? Why leaving the stage halfway when a single more dialogue would have made you the cynosure of eyes , with the world applauding you on a standing ovation !
( Well, that was a metaphor ok :p )

Rejoice in your victories. That gives you the impetus to push harder the next time. And evaluate your failures. That should make you stronger and a better sailor of your life because you already know one way not to sail ! :)

Monday, December 28


The first day of the week and undoubtedly the most sought after one because of the very fact that it comes with the tempting label with it – ‘ YOU CAN TRUST ME ; I AM GONNA BE A HOLIDAY WHATEVER HAPPENS ! ‘.

Well that should make it the most pampered one too right ;) . For some, its that FUNDAY when they get to unleash all the stress they had managed to stuff inside their mind over the week , and with no space for any doubt ,even the soul would only be relieved and for good ! Whereas for certain others who are fortunate to have had an entertaining week, this day happens in every means to be the best bet because it promises ample time to calm you down. Relaaxx. . You will need it especially after the Saturday ‘ after work ‘ celebrations .
[ hey its not just the party maniacs ok . people like me who happen to be stuck in some sorta desert also readily engage in the 'Saturday-means' tomorrow Sunday frenzy ! ] And for still other lot ( a minor lot I feel ) it symbolizes that sad day before Monday. Guess this single day holds a range of meanings varied for different people !

By the way I had thought of sharing some tit bits attached to the word Sunday in my mind. Pardon me if quite incongruent facts creep in between the same. Restraining the flow of my thoughts seem to be a pretty tough job in itself ! In my opinion, its always better when you sit down to write, to pass the reins to your mind rather than trying to command them to pour out thoughts the way you desire. And for that fact I am now all game for wielding my pen to bridge the short distance between my mind and this space . about the day called SUNDAY !

For me, SUNDAY has always been a pleasant day. The one leisurely day of the week when I am left to myself in my world, waking up finding my brain in all smiles for the simple fact that its relieved of all those burdens of a hectic school day ahead. Even though the meaning of this day has changed shades over the years and my life’s course saw both expected changes and vagaries, this day is always that peaceful holiday for me.

Let me start it with an account of a peppy conversation I had with my friend during my gynaec posting. It started off over our breakfast and with us two coming together , the topics are always galore.That comes without saying because I feel when you share a conversation with some one whose opinions, likes and dislikes strike a frequency almost same as yours , there is rarely a bleak moment .
What ignited the chat is her quite casual remark ‘ oh life is boring these days ‘. And leaving no space for a pause I blurted out ‘ same with me ! ‘. Well if you intend to reason the veracity of the statement , you are gonna find out that the days aren’t that dull after all !. The implicit meaning of the statement is that the days are almost the same now a days ; the same boring schedule of monotonous classes, the compulsory few ( or more :d ) hours of sleep after food and the right on the strike of the time eating habits ! There sure is less excitement !. But its also true when I say my friends never let me down when it comes to fun , esp if they happen to be an unpredictable bratty lot !. Just that the days seem kinda lackluster ones, they are bereft of the vibrancy I used to experience during my pre college days. .
May be I should blame me itself for that. For not being among the creamy layer as they very proudly name them, which would have put me into the Trivandrum medicos bunch rather the tdmc family !. And those days I was under the guidance of my parents, ever lenient and easy when it comes to attempts of coaxing :p, and not governed by a list of ‘ never gonna budge ‘ ( so they say ! ) rules of the hostel ! . How I wish I could come back home to the welcoming faces of my parents every evenin :(

See I told no I would divert !. ;).

So Sunday… yes Sundays were full on fun days. I was never a lazy bone those days especially on Sundays. On the contrary I was in all way upbeat and kicking :D. I should say that’s because of a particular theory I had going through my mind those days ; like Sunday is with no doubt a precious day. And so also why would I waste any minute of the day ?! and its only gonna get even more foolish right if I lazied under my blanket when there were lots of exciting things waiting for me. Thus goes my concept about Sunday .
I would be up and on the run by about 7.30. One cute little detail about our Sundays was that ( I bet you will be laughing it out when you hear it :P ) it was the only day of the week when we got lucky to have chappathi for breakfast :P. I mean according to my mom its one heck of a job struggling with the flour that she refuse to cook the same during the week days . ( yea the woes of a working mom ;) ).
So that’s one extrememly rewarding thing to look forward to as far as my taste buds are concerned :P :)

And as the day moves forward , the fun is on the roll starting with early morning RANGOLI and MAHABHARATHA. For those of you who must be remembering those days DOORDARSHAN used to be the only means to satisfy the satiety of our minds yearning for some form of entertainment which could be savoured simply by relaxing on our couch ! And needless to say anything they telecast was kinda visual treats for us ! And as a relief to us kids there were these cartoons like DENVER, JUNGLE BOOK, ALICE IN WONDERLAND and a few more which became instant hits with us..Its beautiful to hark back the way these used to adorn our Sundays .  

We were never restrained from taking a walk to our neighbours house, eating something or the other from the kitchen, sharing a word or two with the uncle and aunty there, and the visits which usually came to an end by us dragging the kids there out of their homes to the street outside to play hide and seek or chess or scrabble ,embarking on our assets - 'our cycles' and going for a ride on our streets or even a crazy video game with much brouhaha over it that our parents used to lament about the naughty us when they meet up for their usual exchange of news, complaints about us and at work matters :p.
My mom used to make it clear, who was at the helm even on a Sunday by her occasional reminders to complete the home work or to run errands for her. Ofcourse its to be added that she did those expecting nil response from me in return as most of the times I used to snooze those commands without a tad of regret only to hear her making a fuss of it by finishing her sentence with the typical remark about me ‘ she should have been born as a boy ! ‘.
( I guess this is a ‘given- praise’ heard loud in families blessed with a naughty girl child ! ) 

And one thing which darken Sundays Is the pang of laziness and gloominess that used to bog me down when it nears dark . AAH ! the famous Monday blues ! . How I used to hate those horrible Mondays just the thought of which used to take away all the fun from Sunday evenings. Even now after all these years the feeling remains the same. I still get a startle when my mind starts to think into the future, the first hurdle to be cleared happening to be the ‘ Monday’ itself !!

And these days , because of the fact that I stay in aleppey , that implying I am staying away away from home , I am sort of excused from the chores I am expected of when I get back home and its like every holiday I am home is more or less a Sunday for me . I miss hostel at times though, but freaking out with your friends is one thing and cuddling onto your moms lap and sharing a sweet family talk with your parents is entirely another right ! its truly irreplaceable the bliss those moments grant you. How I wish I was a day scholar ! [ ofcourse with my college here in Trivandrum and not with, my family in aleppey ! ].
And I still get reminiscent about those childhood Sundays which I always used to look forward to for the very reason that its that day of the week when I was allowed to break free of the time table, helping myself with all the privileges of a kid . And the home coming times now are nevertheless enticing with the days at home unhesitatingly donning the spirit of a Sunday for me so as to let me relish all the fun I had missed when I was away from home. 

Friday, December 25


                UNbelievable that i am pretty busy nw a days ! i mean with the way the last two months were torturing me ...playing games with me..this is damn relief ! seriously i hav lot to think about these days..see the decision to dedicate my time here in this very world of blogging is a perfect proof  :) :) but i am not sure whether i wll be able to keep up with my daily updates. i dont have a laptop naa :((. guess i will have to feed it in my mob or else facebok is a better option ! :):).. seriously giving it a thought. ..hmm...

                 Alright... coming back to my busy schedule... well i read a lot now a days :)..you know earlier when  i find myself in a terrible mood ,all gloomy..broody...i used to avoid giving too much time away  concentrating on books. i have no idea how that got into my head that i would end up contemplating more on the ' problem of that hour ' !! i mean i had this wrong idea  that it would worsen my already confused mind ! but somehow or the other it dawned on me that it might work in a positive way. needless to say i was right this time ! :) a big chunk of my day goes in the company of books. and the latest crush around the corner----- JOURNALS !!.. oh i am getting kinda obsessed with the journals ! you know last day i spent almost two hours in the college library going through the OUTLOOK magazines there ! and that too in the middle of the day, with the air hot and my mind tired !. but once i got my hands on the magazines , there ! my acumen was on the rise ! ;). this is turning out to be one helluva passion! :) 

THE WEEK is the best interest so far . they are just easy read ones, with a myriad of details that you never get bored. and the most important thing you can finish them in a matter of one or two hours :). you know i hate books which come with 500 plus pages of sentences, however mysterious or adventerous they promise to be. well impatience is the worst part of me which i have been working on for some time now. but i sort of lost out on my inspiration. so i am back to the restless me who jiggles with my pen the whole time or  with legs swaying almost half the time i am in the wards !

             And now something strikes me interesting ! I have read that pisceans have this weakness so particular of them that they tend to lose themselves on addictions and all those running away from life stuffs when they are met with some misery in their life. yea i sort of feel now that i got addicted too..to books, to penning down my thoughts, to contemplating, to playing badminton every day of the week when i am at hostel, to music,to giving more time to my friends, to rediscovering myself,my pleasures,watching movies back to back,admiring the sky !,loving back people who care for me, being with them, being there for them. I am glad that i got addicted to all the harmless reasons :) I  need to concentrate my heart, divert my mind on some thing which is apt enough to take me out of the shackles ! And i owe it to God for leading me to something good in my life now  ( of course i can put it affirmatively that it would never ever match the happiness i was shown to by someone these months )..may be its because of God that i am succeeding myself to be in a way happy now .
Even  when i was thrown away from the most beautiful, alluring HEAVEN , even when i was dissolving myself in the searing pain of the hell i landed in.. I WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT OUT OF THE DITCH I WAS DRAGGED INTO WITHOUT THE KINDNESS OF GOD. 

           Infact with december the hopes are bubbling up in the air :). lots of introspection , trusting on intuitions and instincts , dissecting circumstances , reasoning, grumblings and dissatisfied justifications for them ...these are what working behind the scenes ! but i should say those proved worthy. i am back to the ever spirited, passionate me again. but i cant leave out the truth that i feel incomplete now.. kinda..every time i get done with a job like, writing notes on facebook or finishing a book or laughing my heart out with my friends or even when i am up after a refreshing sleep, there is this pang of pain crawling deep into my mind. yes.. i miss a lot. i feel nothing can make me complete the way this last year saw me. The best days of my life. And even now not a day of me is complete without me checking and rechecking my inbox and the call log ..if at all i had missed out any.  
Life doesnt move the way we plan always right. It would be rather easy if you are ready to accept the fact that there cannot be pompous times always. There need to be dreary times too..may be to teach you, make you realise the value of the small joys life offers you. have the mind to accept each day as it is.

May be , we dont know for sure, but even then may be, every thing happens for a reason. May be every puzzle of life, the mystery behind every game it played on you will fall into place one day. 


             coming back to my hectic life these days ; This last week was awesome :) the whole week day and night we were sweating out ..yea the dance we were working on for the convocation ! and it was after some good 10 months we had been on stage. that should make it all the more exciting right !..it turned out that the practice sessions were hilarious ! each of us were enjoying to our best :) and the dance itself was the icing on the cake ! though it was not our ever best performance , considering the time period we were left with for practice it was quite a wonderful one indeed ! that sure helped alleviating my break down a lot !

         Today is christmas..and the last christmas season ( 2008 CHRISTMAS  SEASON ) is going to be the most memorable one ever in my life. i found my dream 'AMIDST BELLS AND CHIMES ' . still remember that orkut profile caption :). i miss those days. and this christmas i am left with no choice but to be happy with me, with the way i have retrieved my mind from the losses , from the wreck. hope this next year brings more to my life even though my it is always going to be in debt.. because it took away the most important piece of me. guess i need to live with it !!



  There was this girl. Living in a world of fantasies and fairy tale dreams. And there was a time in her life when she found everything perfect. Her life itself seemed heaven. And there was nothing more she could ask of from God but to let it last forever.

 But its life and so also one day the unavoidable happened. And the reality hits harsher ryt on people living a dream for real. She was left with no choice but to fall prey to the cruel hands of fate. She tried to the best and best of her ability to bring her life back to the perfect castle it was. But some how fate was strange. It refused to see the passion burning in her heart. Days she sat silent, staring into the dark not knowing what to do. Weeping through the nights. And it made her hate them. She started fearing the nights which turned synonym for nightmare.And even took drugs to help her sleep. But mornings were even worse. The days seemed to be meaningless. Lustreless. There was nothing but sadness looming ahead each day..

 while a part of her was yearning to break free of the pain in which she was sinking more each day, a part of her was helplessly yielding to it. 
There are two things which help one move forward when struck with a loss. One is the hope that what happened was for the best. And the second is the hope that you deserve what you had and you will get back the same again some time in life. Rarely few are strong enought to accept the first. A few more believe the second one and hold onto their hopes. While even more sink deep in the searing pain and leaving everything in the hands of time to heal it some day. She asked herself what was that she chose ? And the answer was a part of everything. She gets elated at times when she holds onto her hope of things returning back to the same beautiful way. And other times when  her mind gets clouded with the dark shadows of reality she slumps down on her bed crying for hours. And by doing so she got scared realizing she was  torturing her mind making it weaker. But sometimes its almost impossible to move on. 
ultimately the truth shines proudly infront of you. That whether you decided to go down the slope or to rejuvenate your mind, the fact remains that you have lost something important. You can never replace it. She knew that too. And finally she chose upon to let time heal it and to move her life forward holding strong onto God..hoping God would be kind to bless her with happiness some day down her life. 

Its true that fairytales do happen ..but just that  in life its not necessary that they should  always have a happy ending.....


NOVEMBER 29 - 2009
  something strange happened this blessed day. Atleast its strange for me. Strange in a very positive way. I was in a some what terrible mood that day. I found myself quite indignant. Lamenting about anything and everything happening in my home, yelling at the top of my voice at my mom for asking me to change the channel to asianet for some munch star singer or whatever ! Not able to tolerate the kids sweating out their brows to make an 84 marks impression on the judges, i left the place. But i was all broody and as usual searched for some way to wrench free from the hell i was in. Getting back to my room my eyes fell on some thing path breaking ! I am quite,naa..not just quite but in a very good way addicted to the one and only creator of the masterpiece Alchemist. Hoping his other book would also help me find some nuggets, i got my hands on it and started going through it. And one fact caught my eye..like he was telling how in times of adversity you are shown a sign by God to help you get through the situation. Yea for all the atheists out there you might find this absurd. But its my story,my experience and i happen to be an ardent believer of Him. And some how or the other this revelation kinda clicked on my brain. And needless to say i felt a snap of joy in me all of a sudden. 

   Pondering over this but not quite relieved from the doldrums, i went downstairs. My mom had enough of 'swaram' s and 'shruthi' s for the day and had already cleared the place. And i settled infront of the idiot box which gets all the credit for making me lazier over the years ! Anyways i decided to watch some movie and chose on World movies which i watch only if its playing some english ones though they give subtitles for other languages. And they rarely show movies we usually are familiar with. But this time it turned out to be a surprise ! Lo ! There infront of me talking is Tim robbins and Morgan freeman and its ofcourse my most most favourite movie ' The shawshank redemption ' ! And the subtitle the moment the channel came on the screen was.. " They can torture you , but there is something that nobody can destroy ever..and that thing is inside you..and thats HOPE "..I was sitting on my chair my eyes fixed on the screen my mouth open  and staring at those words ! Can you believe it..those were the words i was searching for the whole day..I was wonderstruck like some  arrow of enlightment got through my head of something ! This may sound silly for people who are at present going through a rather pleasant period in their lives. But for me this was the best incident in some time over the past two weeks. And so also i couldnt help but let my heart fill with a certain kind of relief, excitement, astonishment whatever names you call it..And if it hadnt had a positive influence on me i wouldnt have put it down here right. Trust me i happened to have a peaceful time after i got this thought into my head. And you never realize the value of peace of mind unless you lose it ! And so also i said to me 'why wouldnt i believe in something which brings me good ?! ' :) :)..

P.S :  People claim right God exists for those who believe in Him ? May be like that 'out of the blues' and miracles occur for people who keep their eyes and mind open for them..believing..HOPING.. :) :)


 I was reading this book XYZ  [ guess its wise not to reveal the name as it happens to be a pretty coveted one with the tag of a prestigious award attached to it ! ]  when certain things mentioned in this quite acclaimed book got me thinking .

One thing that start me off wondering most of the times i chose on an Indian author is the way they portray India. I wonder why they are taking this much pleasure in building up a picture about our country in the minds of people who buy their books that India is the most bizarre country they could ever land in ! Sometimes the miseries met with in our land are detailed out even to the minute, subtle facts that i find myself exclaiming - ' Oh ! Am i living in the poorest of the poorest of countries ?! ' Ya, its true that such conditions exist in several parts of our country. And its also true that there always are a good many takers when the stark realities of life are unveiled before them be it books or movies. 

I remember someone telling me one day that the unfortunate times stay in our minds for a longer period than the colourful times. I am not quite sure whether i agree with this. Ok its agreed that the adverse times take a longer period to vanish from our minds but once they are gone we rarely bring them back to our thoughts again. Whereas the pompous times pass by easily but we always find it tempting to bring those times back to our minds with all the joy and smiles it offered.

Ya, coming back, may be these authors aim of touching our heart deep and if possible melt it so that their work lingers in our thought process for a pretty long time ! We read those and come to the already established conclusion that ' India is a pathetic country ! ' and keep on wondering decades after decades whether we are ever gonna get promoted to the royal bunch of the developed ones !


 Its again true that there isnt any dearth of books that highlight the perseverant one India is. And how we are gaining up in all the major fields of science and technology. But just that such books  rarely find readers and they rarely find a way upto the jury level. It would have been a relief if such books got projected to the limelight ! I cant help hoping atleast a few of the affluent lot get inspired and turn sympathetic reading those ' We-are-the-worst ' tagged books and try transform the lives of the suffering mass ! 

And not to mention the ones that paint an exaggerated version of the modern sophisticated India which comes down to a very minor lot ! hey does it have to do anything with the sales value of these indian english books in the international level ? guess so ! well the intricacies and manipulations and the headaches that cycle inside the print circle is alien to me. may be its all part and parcel of the media and pretty much unavoidable. i dont intend to dissect  those anyways. This is just entirely my view and yeah  many have already shown their resentment towards my angle. Though i couldnt help but write this down here atleast to let out my frustration and disagreement on going through the dirty one India is ! [ as the shade painted by the author goes ]

Anyways its the discretion of the authors, their imagination, their purview and also fiction isnt always created with the purpose of bringing about changes in the mindset of people right !



Waking up some mornings i find myself in a halo of emotions. Each and every single and silly detail which had annoyed me the previous day come flooding into my mind in a battalion. Funny thing is many of those would already hav been met with a solution as the result of my reasonings and judgements. But even then they make their way back on such peculiar mornings ! Strange :0 . I try to discard them with an air of disdain and is met with success every time to make my thought space empty for the pleasant ones. I love the way such thoughts drive me happy and dandy. And many a times i find myself easily inspired. Even small quotes or even small deeds of others seem to influence me in a quite much positive way. Guess i am lucky that the 1% of success is constantly with me. And if i am right the remaining 99% isnt that easy to be born with ! Anyway each day begins with all its expectations, anxieties and promises.

   We have our college bus which leaves from college at 7.40 and drops us at the hospital. It has always been a wonder for me the way i look forward for the time in bus. I think there are many a reason behind that. Seriously during our second year it was mainly for the fact that there are a pretty good many seniors who get in the bus ! No big deal right ! But later this started gaining less importance because it could never vye with my passion for journeys :p. Well i think i am addicted to the way i feel when i am on the move. I just love the way the wind blows on me and its always interesting to watch how the world wakes up to the new day when you travel early morning..

  I used to be lazy in a hopeless way to go for postings during my 3rd and 4th yrs. And i had kinda anticipated the worst when i got into my final year because every medical student is aware of the general rule that its the toughest part of the course. But on the contrary the postings underwent some sort of transformation this time around ! Some how or the other it turned interesting like never before. And everything comes with a reason !

  My unit happens to be a rather one of a kind one or lets put it feisty and its outstanding for a variety of reasons which only we know of. We are a group of seven with 3 girls and 4 boys. And we happen to have one heck of a time together :) :) One fact which deserves mention is that we are never apprehensive about anything :D . The perfect example to cite is that we hold the credit for being the only batch which made a ' Roaring lion' in our pediatrics dept laugh out loud while he was picking us up one by one with the pointless aim of testing our knowledge ! ( thanx to one exceptionally cool girl in our batch :) ). 

 And we are never bored of the long hours of standing in the wards. Blessings are never ending in the form of e-games ! If last year it was Word craze, during the internment it was Sudoku. And the latest to join the lot is Scrabble ;). We girls and one guy happen to be 'book a holics' and we are always in for anything which clubs words and fun. We all fell head over heels for this new smart way to pass time. Four heads gathered over the phone we shout, we fight , we think, we invent words settling comfortably on the receptive beds which are actually forbidden for us !

  Seriously the time spent in clinics is turning out to be the oasis in this desert ! There happen to be a whole range of topics to chat about..books, movies, songs and anything under the sky  combined with occasional spurts of laughter which are inevitable!  Hey dont get the impression that we are are a bunch of madcaps who happen to be the worst students in this precious medical college ok ! But then studies is just one part of life right. You sure need to take care of the other sides of the coin too !

   And joy is something which sure is contagious. And you better agree to this fact and be a part of it because i strongly believe that most of the memorable incidents in life are born when you are having a good time either with people you love or even with strangers. Just the common factor remains the same. And when that day came to an end i had come to the conclusion that for me one easy way to make my days here worthy is to simply laugh out with my friends and have a great time living ! :)


  I guess words are some what inept when it comes to giving meaning to your experiences. Emphasis needs to be given to the ' experience ' part as what i am talking here about happens to be about some of the best days of my life itself ! I feel as though  words suddenly lack the depth and beauty and i am finding it a rather tough job to put in sentences the memories imprinted in my mind. But then its always nice to recollect the good old happy days right !

  I find myself lucky to have ended up in Christ Nagar even though i would have got admission to many other ' we-are-the-best ' labelled ones of that time. And ya, i joined this school only late that is for my 11th and 12th because people somehow had a general notion that for plus two you need to be studying in a CBSE school and no place else ! There is one more reason why my parents choice narrowed down to this one - my younger brother was a proud christ nagarian himself and he was then doing his 10th the time i joined for my plus two. Strictly speaking there are many faces for the influence the school had on me - it showed me what fun really is , it showed me what friends mean to you and to complete  the list- to a lil extent it made me a spoilt brat ! :D

  I still remember the very first day of my school. I got in the school bus along with my brother and once it came to a halt infront of the main building i got down the bus with all the anxieties and expectations of a student on her first day. My brother to my surprise started taking advantage of the situation and offered to leave me at my class which he ofcourse must be knowing more than me.Oh yea, he gets to play my guardian for once ! ;). By the way he wasnt much happy with the idea of me sharing the same school with him. Quite predictable ?! Oh no..its not the way you conclude ! Dont get the wrong impression that my brother was having some ' real naughty / nil studies ' time over there ! Infact the reason happened to be the very other way round. He had a pretty decent reputation among the teachers there which he had earned quite diligently over the years through his hardwork [ ey not being sarcastic or anything ok. He is my dear old bro right. How can i be more kind to him ! ;) ]. And he dint want me to to end up there and make things difficult for him. Now thats some decent way of thinking right ! I cant be that bad ! ;)

Or can i be ?? :D  

 The first day itself there happened to be the school assembly and by the time we were given the cue to line up , i had already made 2 or 3 friends. We even started blabbering this and that and stuffs which form part of the usual 'first conversations'. The one thing which make me chuckle even now is the way we started talking to each other in hushed tones during the assembly. And guess for what - the triggering source was the Headboy of the school ! Lolzz :). And Strange ! i dont remember anything more about that assembly ! Lolzz :D.

 There were just two divisions and we came to know that in addition to the new admission students, there were students in our class who had been in that school since 7th, 8th etc. After a few hours of silence, some how, one or the other succeeded in breaking the ice and we started mingling with them. And they turned out to be an exuberant lot and also extremely friendly and when the interval came one or two of them started feeding us with details of the remaining students, the teachers and the seniors ( there was oly one batch to our dismay ! ) And by the time the school hour came to an end we had made a mental note of the faces and their names. And another thing that set off a serious discussion that day was when someone showed us the Vice captain. I still remember us exclaiming ' oh she is quite glamorous as well. It feels like in a movie ! ( i mean the whole idea of a glamorous head boy and head girl seemed right out of a movie for us then ! ). That day after class, i got in the bus which was kinda chock-a-block ( as days passed i found out that this bus is definitely an inevitable part of my school life there !)The first day went just fine and i had a picture somewhat  of an interesting, neat and disciplined Christ Nagar when my mom threw at me the typical question, ' How did the first day go ? ' And i shouted back, ' just ok' .But something in my mind told me there was more to come the next day,the day after and the days after.... 

 I wonder how i keep these details in my mind even to this day. But its beautiful the way some memories linger in your mind for years. And may be that makes this school and the days here extremely special to me. 

                              ( contd )


 Looking back, i feel i didnt take much time to acclimatize to the world of Christ nagar ( its true it stands out as a very special phase of my life..a Beautiful Package of smiles,fun,adventure,friendship...). The environment itself was so serene and the fact that the strength of the class was small brought down the hustle- bustle to some extent.

 Dont be dubious when i say i haven't experienced such a ,what you call Frenzy in a CLASS ROOM like the freaking out by us during our 11th std. The starting 1 or 2 weeks, there was rarely any class. The whole system of teaching and learning was kinda sluggish and the students were rather free birds each finding their niche in a group of three or four and rambling about anything and everything under the sky..from Holly wood to bollywood ! , from Dumbcharades to Flames ! , from celebrity crispy news to local gossips! , from Salman rushdie to Mills and boons !! And to me the whole thing seemed some what stupefying. I mean i had a jet lag for one or two days for the fact that i happened to carry in me about 12 years of some serious academic experience that i gained from my previous school ! And now take a look around the class ! Leave the girls ; the other half are out of their minds ! They are having the fun of their lifetime ! Cracking jokes followed by occasional spurts of ' Ha ha ha s ' , teasing even the meekest of the lot for things they havent the slightest idea about ! , passing comments on the ' oh-so-innocent-looking ' girls making sure they are loud enuf for us to hear ; only to realize that we are even more dignified when it comes to riposte ! Lol ! Twas fun those moments :) :)

{ all this add on fun inside the classroom was just for 1 or 2 wks. After that the studies started on full fledge about which i have, to be frank nothing to recall ! Its quite natural for any person to erase from memories attached to the excellent but boring lecture classes ryt ! Pardon me :D }

 Didnt i tell you that this wonder institution holds the credit for bringing out the brat in me ? Well it has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of education there ok. Just take it in a positive sense.
     There was this small paradise standing alone at one corner.. Yeah The Canteen :). I never used to take my lunch to school those 2 years. Seriously, why do i have to take the trouble to pack my food and carry it all the way to school to find it all cold and unwelcoming by noon, when i have hot, yummy over the counter 'delicacies' waiting for me just when we start to get hunger pangs ! But i was kinda addicted too much to those and so also i never bothered to have my lunch when i got back home by 2. And that according to my mom was an unpardonable crime and i was targetted for the same relentlessly !

  My brother spying on me found out another one of my new habits. The hours of blah blah ing over the phone ! I was in love with the phone literally ! Even after being in school for 5 or 6 hrs and dissecting each incident going on in our group, class, canteen and bus , we used to carry out quite a blather over the phone as well. Starting from ' oh so you think he has a crush on her?' to ' what do you think was going on in her mind when she did that !' the worries were plenty. See the woes of an adolescent mind ! But according to my brother it was just ' sense less conversations' and a perfect way to get me some nice scolding from my parents. How i used to fight with him for leaking the same to them ! :x :x Lol :)

When i think back i dont remember a dull day . Something or the other used to turn out to make the day bright and lively. And the friends i had there used to make my day ! It was for the first time in my life i was hanging out with a bunch of friends who rarely gave me a dull moment. And many of them in one way or the other have touched my life and i still remember them for all the love and care they offered me :). But then sometimes life takes some strange twists and turns and in the haste and hustle we lose many of the close ones. And we stand watching helplessly letting them go in the end. How i wish i had taken atleast some effort on my part to keep them near to me. Ya may be such things just happen....... 

[ i forgot to mention our dear principal and teachers and many other things :(  ]. Its okay..next time ;) :)

[ contd... ]


                        I am not the least exaggerating when i say i can go on and on speaking about my Alma mater. There is no dearth of memory , there are no dreary days to hark back which itself should make the penning process enticing ! And i am absolutely certain that any Christ nagarian would agree to this. Hands down !

                     Lemme tell you something about those long corridors - trust me they have stood witness to a lot many.....
The fights which even though appear silly after all these years were quite a 'war of words' back then !

The friendly snuggles i shared with my friends on the steps infront of the class rooms during the interval

Dodging away from the P.T sir because he was on the look out for the disobedient lot 'expressing' themselves in their mother tongue ! Lol ! :)

And last but definitely not the least, many a proposal ! [ cant give away the details, but i guarantee its one of the many romantic scenes you get to witness in your life ! ( Naa i wasnt the lucky girl ok :p ) ]

                                       Speaking of corridors i guess not even a single student would tend to forget a particular detail about the corridors. Even to this moment when i am entering this i have the scene running in my mind crystal clear ! And it would be too humble if i say i am smiling ! And that is coz i am actually wearing on my face the widest grin of my life ! And nothing can make me grin even after some seven long years but   recollecting the sudden bolt of surprise i used to get when a heavenly figure clad in white floats past the window of the  class room while i was struggling my best to keep my mind focussed on the lecture. And with no doubt, it can be rated as one of the ' impossible to forget ' moments of school life our dear Fr. Thengumpally granted us ! I find it futile, the attempt to try  paint a picture of him here to you all. Because i bet you all must be knowing him better than me. Who doesnt know the cynosure right ! His name is something which is almost synonymous with Christ nagar. Quite an unforgettable character with his idiosyncrasies and an accent which was truly one of a kind ! ( as sujith puts it :) ). And you cant deny the fact that he was and still continue to be the pillar which lifts Christ nagar to a level on par with the other age old institutions of excellence in Trivandrum. Infact where do you find a principal who shares this great a rapport with the students that you find him sharing a game of basket ball with you !

 [ It comes to my mind how vivek, my classmate tried to enact the movie 'The mexican' by acting out our Father as he had landed from a trip to Mexico or something at that time ! Lols ! :)) ]

                                    As i had mentioned before, we used to get a lot of free hours at the start and one of the ' in-thing' then was the visit to the library. Two things in particular still stand out in my memories.. The times i spent reading Tin tin with my friend, commenting about everything unrelated to the comics ! Well i should say these chat sessions seriously hold some credit for teaching me to express my mind ! [ Finding good in anything that comes my way seem to be the ' survival Mantra' for me now a days ! Lol ! :) ]
And the second thing is the Magazine release, during my 12th. We used to spend hours in the library even after school hours bringing the creativity in us to the fore ;). And the result - two splendid magazines handwritten by us students ! Was one adjudged better than the other ? I dont quite remember that. But what still makes me go ' ha ha ' over is the scene when Febna unveiled their magazine which they had proudly named ' ! ' during the assembly ;) :). It did set off quite a discussion among the students !
  Well that was Febna - the ingenious, bold, ebullient girl who was my best friend :))

                                   The Students day- when students take up the role of teachers with cheerful readiness inspired by the teachers whom they always look upto. I was selected as well to exchange roles for the day. Oh and i was excited beyond words when i was assigned as the class teacher / Maths teacher of my brother's class ! But i was left in tatters when the next piece of news was broken to me- yea i was to teach the fellow students of my very own class as well !! And needless to say i had a pretty interesting time teaching my bro's class and quite the opposite when i got to my very own one. I knew they were waiting for me there. And i got in my class with a fear of impending disaster stuffed in my mind more than mathematics ! My worries were proved right ! I dont need to elaborate more i guess ! My friends..they sure knew how to get me surrender before them in no time !! ( and i had an entertaining time counting the chalks hailed at me :p )
 Btw my bro's class happened to grab the Best class award and that sure saved my name that day ! ;)

                                There are a lot many incidents i would like to share here.. The foot ball ground which is a good 5mts walk from our compound, the beautiful and adventerous journey to the bus stop, the sea view, the exciting basket ball matches, the frenzy when the bell rings after the interval, the quite diligent preparations for the Arts fest and Annual day and the not so quite diligent preparations for the exams, the CCA ( the abbreviation for something which i dont think i should be mentioning here lolz :p )which we girls enthusiastically named for the occasional beautiful figures emerging from C-DIT !! and the food fest organised by our school...the list stretches endless..
    The ever so friendly teachers add a sweet flavour to school life memories and i still think of them with admiration and respect for the love and care they used to give us. Sivakami miss, Lekha miss, Jaysree miss, Pillai sir and Ramachandran sir ( the surprise hilarious package during our 12th std ! ). Oh ya, i left out Sara miss and her revolutionary and eventful debate sessions and the man behind the scenes, Rajashekharan sir ( whom my bro and his friends used to nickname 'the smoke on the move' ! Lol ! ).

                                 Guess its time for me to wind this up. And those of you who still miss Christ nagar , remember, You are not alone !!. As i do, many are missing the golden days this Alma mater blessed us with- the smiles, the woes, the fights, the crushes, the fun, the lessons which it taught us, the friendship. Hope they never die out from your minds. Even though i used to bungle my academic side, the days here certainly helped me grow as a person. It kinda transformed me from a meek one to someone better by instilling in me the spirit to go get whatever i want of my life.And wherever i end up in life, i am sure i will be carrying a piece of Christ nagar with me...

        and trust me it happens to be quite a big chunk :)).

        And all those who agree with me , dont hesitate to join me when i say,  

                                             ' HAIL CHRIST NAGAR !!. '

                             ( end of d post )

Thursday, December 24



                                    INTROSPECTION - i had always thought i was good at it. Guess everyone feels the same about themselves ! But i think it gets protracted when there is something which keeps bothering you at the back of your mind trying to bog you down. Otherwise we all are busy indulging our mind in things going on around us not necessary that it should involve us even.
  And it matters a lot how you carry out the process of digging out your mind, if put in a metaphor kinda way. Sometimes you end up shovelling out all the dirt to end up in the most beautiful treasures hidden in the insides of your mind. Whereas sometimes for the worst, you happen to crawl in deeper and deeper into the weaker or even the wackier parts of you. That sounds dangerous right ! Unless you are sensible and mature enough to question that side of you and crush those to nil or atleast suppress them.

   I would like to think that every person has a breakpoint, further to which your mind starts acting peculiar. Either he stops judging himself as worthless or your mind starts yielding to your blows of diffidence to die out forever.  Its somehow pleasant and more rewarding going with the first right ! And in that case, its because you can never torture those minds certifying them as wimps forever. After it had had enough of the ' you dont deserve anything ' s it starts reacting. It starts rising from the ashes because it so so wants to prove that you are wrong. It gets so so determined and to your surprise contours itself to a form which you have never seen before. And thats what unfortunate experiences do to you. Something i have read goes like this - ' anything that doesnt kill you makes you stronger! '. And to people who never stop fighting against the negative silhoutte of their own mind, the transformation for the best definitely finds its way. Even if that means hours of toil or days of wait. Writing down this seems simple ! And to get it acting is nothing but the hardest ! But then its you who need to chose , whether to bring any meaning out of your life or to fill your mind each day with more and more voids of your own creation. 

The lives threaded to yours...

   Ever thought why certain people seem to influence you more than others ?  contemplating on it for a while i happened to bump onto certain thoughts.

          Well its true people can create  remarkable effects  on you. With man being a social animal he is left with no choice but to interact with one person or the other a day. And lets also not forget this that he is blessed with the ability to think , feel and express his emotions. This itself reasons why we find ourselves emotionally attached to people who pass our life at some point of time or other.Some of them stay for long but impart less magic on us. while  some others become part of our life like God's blessing and leave us creating beautiful everlasting ripples on our heart..on our life.....But of course its not easy as i say it. and such people are rare..they come as a dream..so evocative is their presence. and you are indeed fortunate if you have ever come across one.. and then you will agree to me that such people are the most precious in your life and you treasure them in your hearts for a life time......

        Yet another group of people come in and out of your life . They are quite perky and grant you happy moments.Even small tokens of love, giggles, sharing crispy news with them happen to instill in you some kind of fulfillment. But those are only momentary. they easily fade away from your mind. we feel those people bereft of value in our life later. but think of this life is made of simple moments. and its not important if you keep in mind every single thing that happened in your life..every single moment you laughed about something. Whats important is that you do it. make the most out of life. Find happiness in others and be their happiness. once you learn to do that you will find that it does you nothing but good. And maybe uplift your mind strenghthening it to seek more from this life keeping you at peace. Trust me their is nothing important in this life as peace of mind !

       Some others stay with us forever....and fill your life with their charisma and compassion and never ending love. They are there to share your smiles, cries, woes and fights. And they make you who you are ultimately. They take you higher in each mode of life ,lifting you up from trashes, teaching you with patience to seek a silver lining in every wreck. They are people like our parents who love you unconditionally, sacrificing their time,chores and sometimes even their pleasures.

      Once i had pondered over this question..like is it worthy to sacrifice your time and pleasures to help someone out who is in need of you. Some what altruistic for a bit of time ?. But i think now i know the answer. life isnt only about you,your success your pleasures. and stupid are those who fail to understand that you are never gonna lose your destiny if you stop in your way to pull someone out from his nothingness. and such deeds should come from your heart. like someone said ' compassion helps you in no way but destroy you'.  what the hell !! who is stupid enough in this world to destroy their life in the name of compassion ? no one ! and do you think the saints who dedicate their life for others are destroying their lives ? .no . its their chosen path. They find happiness in that for God's sake ! What i was referring to was the minor form of that. What is meaningful to us. Like being there for you friends, your parents when they need you.