A Year To Wait

Dreary and parched the last day passed ,

I carry with me your memories locked.

I opened my eyes to a  brand new year

To know, in my aching heart you still persevere !

In each bit of its broken pieces ;

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-soon to be part of an anthology-

Musings . . .

                                            The answer evades itself . . It presents more or less like a blurred mirage every time the deepest recesses of her mind poke at her the query - Why do you hope this hard ?! 


                                        She was reluctant to ponder deep on those implicit ones . . .because  She didnt know for sure the answer . . . or she is scared that her reasoning might let her down, reveal to her the stark reality looming playfully teasing her.  . . Which she chose to ignore otherwise wistfully . . . 

                                            The heart preaches - Hope everytime climaxes with a sunshine at the end of the tunnel ,the tunnel being the long dreary hours you drag wishing something . . dreaming for something . . . toiling for something . . . praying for something . .  Something purely precious .


                                         The head retorts -Try to think with sense dear . Doesnot hope stretch the whining period a tad bit long ? Especially when the situation presents such that you seem to have absolutely no control over the turn of events ? . . . Yes hope kills . . It has been busy strenghthening the basement of your defeat all the way . . The moment the despondent mind let herself adsorb this fact , it would be too late . . . Its always too late . . She thought . . .


                                         A shut door is believed to be  the pointer to an even promising doorway . We muster every ounce of courage dwelling though scanty in our bereft minds to run miles away from the dark alley . . Only to glance bak longingly at d closed door , wishing it would open . . Open wide just for us one day to leave us breathless in awe n joy . . Sad that mostly it never happens . .And  even worse when tht special sumthng wich ruled our lyf at one pt of tym ceases to matter nymore just like that , blame the healing power of time . . Or should we thank it ? We can brave the odds . . Or swear the Gods . . Either way destiny lies awaiting us sumwhere . . 

  
                                           The whims and fancies of her dreamy life has always pricked her back . . .For she was foolish enough to swim with the enchanting tide . . Only to realise ultimately that she has been smashed against the rock . .Was it worthy relishing the journey so promisingly mesmerising , when you gained simply torture and nothing else from the same in the end , let alone happiness ?  Her mind is testing her today , way too much . Yes it has always played the part of a modulator in her pain ! She sweared .

                                        But then only to pull you up from the ashes my friend . . . It whispered .But she didnt hear those powerful words . . . The turmoil of her inside was so shadowed with deperation that it made her deaf . . A tear drop smudged her black kohl . . . Another rolled down to her trembling lips . . The tears would flow all night drenching her pillow . . She would slide into a slumber sometime into the night. . Unaware . . 
                                          
                                      And like the clear blue sky shining with gust after a heavy downpour ,she would wake up from her sleep to welcome the day . . The quibbles would retreat to the recesses . . For its time to smile now . . .She goes on. . . knowing the brighter moment would hardly last . . 


                                    But for all the melancholy hours, for all the tumbling dreams , sure she deserves atleast that much isnt ? 

The Tunes Know Me . . .

With my ears plugged to the mellifluous track ,

I doodled idly with an ink that is black . . .

Humming low and soft to the dreamy tune ,

Fingers treading playfully through my locks waving like dune 

Bits of life brush past my mind ,

In sync with the lyrics they perfectly blend !

A few saw me smiling at times ;

While one made the ink smudge in my tears . .

The metal clings brought me ever to a high !

Dissolve does my inner self sometimes with a sigh

In awe am i with the world it leads me,

The emotional tussle, ruffle, the notes evoke in me !

Ask me in misery, what soothes me down,

A melody  is the answer and it wins sure hands down . .

Is there a company allowed to befriend me in solitude?

Yes, the arms of music , through thick, thin and fortitude .

At This Juncture . .

                                          

                                                        After spending quite many an eventful year at loggerheads with exams and clinical vivas it brings me exceptional pride and joy to adsorb this into my mind that i am a registered medical practioner atlast ! Yes as the general idea runs doctors are never in dearth of a paid job . So much for the 6 years we toiled in the hospital corridors , wards and exam halls ! I am not sure how many would be aware of  a bond which is threaded onto the registration certificate ( referring to kerala state ) , which  apparently seems not that small a baggage to take along for most of the fresh pass outs . And that is a one year compulsory service in the alloted rural areas of the state .  

                                                     Frankly speaking , those students who managed be part of the much acclaimed creamy layer , which happens to be the government medical college seats , are the ones left with a scorn on their faces . Simply because of the fact that the whole endeavour is biased to say the least . For the students who got into the deemed and unaided medical colleges  are exempted from this service and we are stuck in the utterly suburban areas ( not necessarily ) while they manage to attend coaching classes , immerse themselves in voluminous books all year round and finally grab a seat for the post graduation .


                                                  Yes a doctor should be service minded and we are; but then injustice more often than not dampens the spirit and certainly contributes least to pump up compassion . An alternative is staring right on their faces ; that is to let us carry out the compulsory bond after we have finally settled down with a p.g degree in our hands which clearly is sans doubt  a necessity in this era !

              
                                                  And thus,  like any other medical student who survived the much dreaded final year examinations, i too signed the dotted lines to serve my state for one year on a compulsory basis .
                                                   Now, as i got posted away from home again the problem of a safe and comfortable place to stay popped up and that was when my parents suggested i get into a particular hostel they  evidently have much promise about . We finally managed to procure a room there through a member of the hostel committee for its  a tough nut to crack otherwise so an inhabitant told me . . What the heck was all i could mutter ! 
                                                  To my dismay the confrontation with the hostel warden was one of the most unpleasant ones i had in my whole life. Infact i could vouch without a tad of doubt that ' SMILE ' is never an over rated mannerism ! That was the day i realised how much of an emotional connect and chemistry a simple upcurving of your lips can put across . Seriously , its no hollow phrase when they say , " Smile and the world smiles back at you ". The most meaningful sentence i came across this week , hands down ! 

                                                     It came as a whiff of relief when i noticed the fact that once a member of the hostel we rarely need to nurture any sort of relation , let alone acquaintance with the lady . . Phew ! Otherwise the hostel proved to heavenly with delicious food, 5 mts by auto to the railway station, walkable distance to the bus station, and a mile away from the heart of one of the most important cities in our country .


                                                        Fortunately the superintendent of the hospital happened , much to my relief , to be pretty much an amiable lady  ( yes she welcomed us with a sweet smile , you guessed it right ) . And the place i got to work seemed comfortable too . 

                                                     
                                                    Well, lucky or not , all i want to beat myself into my head at this juncture is that , we cannot expect life to be rosy on our demand . Adjustments are a the lynchpin not merely when it comes to a relationship, but also  in each and every moment you harbour this world . You never know what is in hold the very next second . . But we definitely know what we are left to right this moment . . Live it to the fullest . Might sound cliched , but then holding onto this line of thought is worthy , for sometimes we are swept to a point of life when words and thoughts can provide the much needed impetus to move on . . 

November In My Mirror . .

                                                       
                                                        Having nurtured the unworthy habit of losing the spark midway through a venture, i stumbled upon this decision during one of my day dreaming ( contemplative if i put it sophisticatively ! ) sessions.  Yes, without a tad of doubt or dilemma i can state right on that writing is one of my utmost passions . . the rest being my profession, music , dance, reading, journeys, adventure to pick the ardent ones that keep my heart pumping with all its energy , exhilaration and enthusiasm .


Coming back to the whole point behind this post ; so as not to let this passion slip away or burn out from me , i have made up my mind to jot down the events or rather the titbits that scurried past through my days in any particular month . Atleast that way i would come up with a minimum of one post a month . Sounds good right ? But then the subtle details that coloured my days would be disclosed only if my heart yields to the same which in any way cant be promised . 


                                                        November - the month which drenches in the heavy downpours . . the month when days are at their cozy , serene best . . the month when the breeze blows past you leaving a blush on your cheek , a ruffle on your hair and an enriching moment in the depths of your mind . true to the metaphor , the month saw my days pouring all through the day . . all through the night . days started growing heavy so much so that it was like i was left with no option but to let the whole burden out through my eyes helplessly. If anything could be scarier than the days then that was the lonely nights i had to wait and wait with a whimper to slip into a slumber . 

                                                           Misery can be devastating, it can kill you inside out. it can mutilate your mind, heart and soul. it can leave you high and dry amidst a crowd of happy , loving people with a wound so deep and swollen , that it throbs achingly each time the thought causing its inception cross your mind. 

                                                   One silver lining among the myriads of memories lying scattered is the much awaited , much celebrated trip to mumbai . I should admit without even a meagre doubt that , the journey to mumbai, the days spent there, the presence of the dear ones who made the whole trip exceptional , changed my state of mind for the better to a little extent .

                                                          

                                                     There was this contest running in the indiblogger, a blogging site for over a month now . . surf excel matic contest . I did partake in it and came up with a post    http://colouredbydreamz.blogspot.com/2011/11/tribute-to-time.html . The posts which manage to grab the first three slots would be grazed with an apple ipad 2 . . Sexy isnt ;). Now that was one cherry topping on the otherwise smashed cake .  Awaiting the results due next week eagerly 


* The book i managed to read : Burial at sea by Khushwant singh . Onto The shadow lines by Amitav ghosh


*  The songs i was addicted to : Call it what you want by Foster the people 
                                                 Someone like you by Adele 
                                                 Paradise by Coldplay  
                                                 We found love by Rihanna 
                                                 Jazba from Ladies vs ricky bahl . 
                                                 Sadda haq , Tum ho ank katiya karoon from Rockstar 


* Lyrics that touched me :  1 ) When you are gone by Avril 
                                                        2 ) This is your life by Switchfoot
                                                        3 ) In the shadows by Rasmus
                                                        4 ) Tum ho from Rockstar


* One movie i watched :  The adventures of tin tin . So so so wanted to watch rockstar unfortunate enough i couldnt :(  2 ) Dil chahta hai ( for the hundredth time ) , 3 ) The ugly truth ( sexy :P )  4 ) Three idiots


* One quote which attracted my thought field : Courage doesnt always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ' i will try again tomorrow '


* One thought that soothed me : I am a believer of the Almighty who is my greatest strenght. they say miracles happen to those who believe in it ; yes my faith in God has brought me miracles which leave me in awe in retrospect ! and yes ,  i have promised myself never to break the string that connects me to Him.


* The decision : 1 ) To study hard , real hard so that i would end up pursuing a surgical speciality . if not this year , then definitely next year .
                      
                      2 ) To keep my friends close to my heart and to never ever let them disappear from my life . Infact , this revelation hit me strong and hard one day, thanks to my bitter experiences, that friendship is one of the most precious of the bonds that could provide pretty much a share of your salvation . And like in any relation , whatever you name, its really important that sometimes you need to reach out to the other person more than he or she tries to. Trash your ego forever ; it lends nothing but a negative spark to the relation leaving you in flames. 


                                With a few dedicated to the core people around me , i feel myself blessed to say the least ! love you shabna, safi , k.v , dheeraj, sukita, amrin , niyasikka , mathew  and the special ones - jinu sir and my darling brother . love you all for making my haven a paradise :)) 


* The happiness : Mumbai trip and You


* The sadness :  You ( ironical indeed )


* I shopped for :   Four tees , a pair of blue jeans , two handbags , two pairs of footwear


                                                Well, that some way or the other sums up my November. eventful or not i say the days taught me lot , wounded me lot , tickled me to laughter to the core though it happened rarely leaving me with a bundle of multiflavoured memories to be carried onto the next month - December .

Mumbai ! Come Welcome Me ! :))

          

                                     
                                           Well, exhilaration would be an underestimation of the emotion that i find bubbling inside of me right now ! Yes, we have been planning this journey for over one month now and i have been like keeping check of the dates on the calender , undoubtedly growing impatient all along the way, that it is almost undigestible that the day is already a night time away . And it is not merely about visiting a place that existed in my mind with all its fun, fervour, hustle -bustle, merriment, The Bollywood fundas, Marine drive , way side delicacies and the immense shopping experience, bit its more like the pleasure of being embarking on a long distance journey ...and that too on a train ! 


The beautiful scenaries, the greenery, that one rarely get to view in cities which are untiringly getting stuffed with 'monuments' on the rise, the sunset and sunrise which seem pretty enchanting, the huge mountains covered in a blanket of clouds, the deep blue waterbodies flanking the railway track at places. The train journeys sure come with the tag of heaven attached to it !


                                    Yesterday flew past with me shopping with my parents, sort of a prelude into what is lying ahead ,for more than anyone else in this world, my parents are well aware of the stark truth that once set on fire, my shopaholic genes are insatiable and that hardly any piece of advice can pacify those down ! ;)
     
                      
                                   Did i mention that Mumbai is one of my dream destinations ? well it is . So is Goa and that for purely my heart's desire ! My relentless, diligent attempts to coax my parents to squeeze in Goa into the travel schedule is underway due to the scarcity of time :( Sigh ! that would have been two birds in a single shot :( . I am disheartened to say the least . anyway some day .. for certain :)


                           My brother is pursuing his job in Mumbai and he is  going to take us around . Totally clueless as to what to expext from the city ! But then thats the whole point of the journey right ! :) Pretty certain that i wont be disappointed though . Am i right ? 

                                            
                                     Today i have made up my mind to spend the day  downloading a bunch of fresh tracks to add to my playlist . For journeys are never even close to being complete sans good music to entice you r ears !                 And the list is fast stretching longer and longer :) 


                   A lot many good ones and the latest hindi and tamil tracks are already on my track list that i find it hard to dig out the best ones still to be discovered . Mind leaving behind a few of your favourite tracks ? so that i would have a less hard time coming up with some good ones . . You are always welcome :)
            
                         Well, the night is going to be abuzz with me indulging in thinking right and left about the subtle details of the dream journey that is awaiting me . The inevitable part of any journey - The time spent packing the baggage - and that is definitely something i look forward to . Oh yes my mind would be definitely half way on the train while i am engaged in the same, i know ;) 


                            And so, With a heart wide open to imbibe even the much needed  minute joy swarming my way, with a mind glistening with the veneer of dreams and expectations , with prayers for a safe journey , Mumbai here i come ! :))))


P.S  :  If you happened to drop by i would be grateful to hear your tips and views regarding the travel destinations and shopping malls in Mumbai . Do leave a few words on the same ; that would be helping me a lot ! :)

Last The Fight !

There is something about this thing called LIFE . . . 

Blessings are aplenty ; yet curses hog the limelight!

Keep your eyes open and let your minds imbibe . . . 

      Yes, chances are more that you are going to last the fight !

I Breathe Your Name . . .

Little beads of rain pour down heavily . . 
I wonder if the clouds are in pain too .  .
For doesnt the same happen to my life daily ?
When the thought of you leaves me all sore and blue . . 


Somethings are hard to believe,
For the yearning has been soulful to the core 
When the desire is impossible to retrieve ;
And that is when the blow begins to bore !


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soon to be part of an anthology- 

The reason is YOU :)

Some one asked me in the sweetest and most vivid of the conversations till date - " Do you write when you are depressed ? "  I was so lost on realizing that that person did take notice of my write ups , that i was speechless at that point of time :) . Yes, the inception of my passion for writing was the result of a month long depression . however there after it had more or less nothing to do with my state of mind . But then yes , i do feel better once i get down to scribble something on my notebook , a fact undoubtedly true . Right now the day is dragging with me wishing and wishing upon God for that one ray of light , which promises to brighten up my days forever .  . .  And The Reason Is You :) 


Had been listening to this song all night yesterday, and so also its not quite a surprise if  i found myself humming the tune all day . Here it is  ' THE REASON IS YOU'   by   HOOBASTANK

At a loss of words to explain how much i have fallen for this song. Simple because its so damn awesome how they have weaved the music and lyrics together ! Hope you too will enjoy the song  :)

Yesterday Night . .

The dusk spraying its saffron hues ; 
Reminding me its time to part ways . . 
The night spreads its tresses ever so slow,
Striking me , its time to be alone


Wait and wait do i with a whimper,
For my damp eyes to slide into a slumber. . 
Funny how joys seem incomplete ;
Scary how the future seems so deplete. . 


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soon to be part of an anthology- 


Also you may like :   http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=91985   ., which is my entry for the surf excel matic contest. Do go through the post . . would be grateful if you could leave behind ur valuable comments on the same , so that i could work on my flaws . . Regards , Maliny :)

TUNE OF THE WEEK

                    

    Actually i happened to venture out on this thread partly because i am jobless in a way ( not to mention the P.G hurdle looming dark ahead ! ) , and partly because writing keeps me smiling and partly because i just felt like doing it . Yes, listening to your heart can cause your debacle when others need to complement what you have in mind . But then, if you nobody to be accountable to , or if the people to whom you are accountable are magnanimous enough, listening to your heart can be the most rewarding of the experiences ! 

                         To be frank i am not quite sure if i might be able to  keep up with updating this thread every week , or maybe a ' weekend pick ' as well , but then again its upto me isnt ! So here goes the pick of the week . . 

INVISIBLE - SKYLAR GREY :

                                                  

                                                                 Absolutely in love with this song ! - for the meaningful lyrics which is sure to haunt you for long , the theme being one that strikes a chord with each one of us, for the legibility of the rendition . .  for the catchy beat that keeps thumbing all through the song at a constant rhythm . . for the mellifluous way the singer has put it across  . . . for the absolutely striking outfit . . . for the exquisite way of painting her eyes and nails :P and ultimately for the beautiful video depiction of the song . Thanks to You tube i chanced upon this song...And again, thanks to You tube i could share it here . . Enjoy :)

A Tribute To Time

Time - the one eternal phenomenon which can be undoubtedly stated as the lynchpin of human endeavours . . a bliss for jovial minds celebrating the pompous times of their life . . moreover a curse for the wretched hearts waiting eagerly for the seconds to tick away sooner . . quite undebatable the modes by which this wonder of a  factor rules the world !

I would take your thoughts to a particular scene where each breath matters.. the monitors beeping away the heart beats of a patient . .where each breath he inhales needs to be supplimented with oxygen . .when the curves of the  ECG disastrous enough slumps down to a flat line despite the diligent hands aiding him . . when the beats of his heart , the cells of his body obedient enough clutch onto the life support system , so miraculous enough that he opens his eyes to the moist eyes of his near and dear ones...Thus flows the story line of a patient in the intensive care unit . 


Ask a patient how much he values time and he wold reply with heaving heart " I would ask of God nothing but time . . to caress my wife..to care for my children . .one last time . . " . Ask a doctor the importance of time and he would put it like " Each second counts for a life threatening disease if diagnosed one minute earlier would bring about a profound change in the diagnosis.  Time is Life indeed ! "


Being a doctor myself i could not site a better illustration as to how precious time is !

Two hours . .120 minutes.  . Funny how lengthy it seems when highlighted for each one of us knows how pathbreaking even one second can be in this life packed with surprises, shocks, dejections and victories .Said so 2 hours would be unquestioningly eventful to say the least ! I wouldnt want to paint a fairy tale take on it dwelling on my fantasies , instead , i would don the cap of a pragmatic and deal with it keeping in mind that i could achieve those two extra hours and by extra hours i mean useful hours, by my own mettle.

If Achieved Two Extra Hours For A Single Day:


Given two extra hours , i would scribble down my thoughts, maybe a prose on my notebook . . i would browse through the unread pages of ' The shadow lines ' by Amitav Ghosh which is the one book i am reading at present. . i would plug my ears to 'What have you done ' by Within Temptation the one earworm i am hooked to now, snuggle onto my mother's lap, blabber to my brother who is working in mumbai, have a word or two with my father. . i would definitely keep aside a part of it to actually beat into my head the w ords of knowledge imprinted on the baffling pages for my P.G entrance examinations . An admirer of solitude, without a tad of doubt , knowingly or unknowingly , my thought lust mind would float into the comtemplation mode..to weave new dreams . to sink in the pain of unrequitted emotions...Ultimately to charge myself for the days to come. .

If i were in the hospital doing my internship, which i completed 2 wks back , i would have had a hard time coming up with even half of the aforesaid ,for extra hours come scarce where the days are bustling with duties,night covers and ward duties.Given two extra hours and chances are more that i would tend to the patients for you never know when the emergency call rings demanding your service ! However tortorous it seems , so much divine does it feel ! .


If Achieved Two Extra Hours Forever :


well the plans need to change or what ? !  Its almost 6 yrs past the day i managed to grope my driver's licence . . alas i havent been able to get my hands on a four wheeler since then ! Due to the safety concerns of my father and definitely not attributing to my driving skills :p . I would certainly love to use those two extra hours to brush my skills in driving. There is an old age home near the hospital i work in - St. Joseph's poor home . This is one place i have visited once for i believe in philanthrophy and the emotional balance it can grant for people in need. And so also i will make it a point that i visit that sanctum more or less every month to keep company with the members . Quite serene and poignant a company, this is one wish that otherwise goes unfulfilled every month due to many facts. 


Oh and there is this one teeny weeny add on to my bucket list - guess what ? yes being born as a piscean , a water sign , wouldnt it be an injustice on my part not to conquer the water kingdom ? yes you guessed it right. I would lend pretty much a good time to tackle the swimming lessons. Arent dreams seamless ! But then these are things i would have grazed my life with no matter what ; yet two extra hours should grant me grace time to weave more and more of passions of such sort isnt ?  :) True to the meaning of my blog CHASING PASSIONS i would relentessly chase my passions not to forget ,keeping my mind open to new ones alongside.


Now the big question is how to gain those extra two hours ?


1. Cleaning up the mess my lab coat manages to accumulate at the end of the day swallows almost a whole one hour of my day ! Grateful to my friend who keeps track of the latest products in the market which can be fabulous and life changing ! I was introduced to SURF EXCEL MATIC  - The one product which promises to remove the stains while the clothes are drenched in the washing machine itself . Isnt that awesome ? And one hour it does add to my useful hours of the day !

2. Set your alarm half an hour prior to your usual wake up time. more often than not it ends up you changing your wake up time half hour prior for the days to come ;)


3. Try to concentrate on what you do . Play  while you play . Work while you work . Make that your motto . You will surprised to see how much time you end up saving in a day !


Time is the worthies treasure to hold close to. Each second matters. In this hustle - bustle , in this world where breakneck competition reigns you its imminent that you find your niche . Yes its better said than done ! But lets not forget that its not  all thats there ! Humanity matters, compassion matters, tending to our inner self matters, lending a helping hand matters.

And that is the message i want to convey across to my readers through this post - TIME IS INDEED LIFE !  BE MORE OR ATLEAST TRY YOUR BEST TO BE MORE EACH SECOND YOU LIVE ! ..in your thoughts...in your deeds..in your attitude towards life...in your behaviour to your fellow beings . If each and every one of us encourage such a thought imagine how much progressive this world would become . . how much creative and innovative each of our minds would become. . so lets join together to carve out a better world, one that is healthy, productive, creative and colourful with those two extra hours a day :) 


A moment to slip into a thought . . . 
Forever to sink in its ashes . . . 


Yet, i would ask for time and more of it . . . 
To bask in the morning rays. . . 
To drench in the untimely rain . . .


For you are insatiable, my life . . . 
And yes, i am hooked to you , no matter what ! 

The two hours i took to jot this down and to submit this entry in the SURF EXCEL MATIC contest by Indiblogger couldnt be worthier if atleast one mind out there was inspired to BE MORE each second that comes his/ her way . . . .


P.S : Picture courtsey - google images

If Looks Could Kill . . .

Is there something about the way you look ? 

Or is it the twinkle in your eyes so intense ? !

Baby , if looks could kill, i would say

I gasp for life countless times a day !

A Wave Of Hope

Give me the privilege of a wish ;

No one knows my mind is in a swish ..

Give me a sunny day , a cozy night;

Oh ! When was the last time the hours felt light ?

This too shall pass , i have heard them say

Holding onto it seems hard , however much I try. .

Not easy to let it go , I know ;

But wait ! dont let your spirit sink low!

The next second might bring you smile,

Might just be the sweet trick of God all the while . .

So hope hope in times of low ;

The best is in store , we never know ! :)

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